winterrr.

i haven't blogged in a while.
so here goes! ^^

i think i had a pretty good christmas. i got what i wanted.
:)
A PINK DIGITAL CAMERA.
AHHHHH.
i know i sound really materialistic, but i have seriously wanted one since the seventh grade! :) i woke up christmas eve morning and before i left for church there was a package outside waiting for me and inside it was a cameraaaaa :) yayayay. thankyou so much stev, daniel, thang, jason. i love you boys so so much. <3
i went to vegas the day after christmas and we stayed at luxor. that hotel SUCKS. there is seriously so much walking just to get to the damn elevator. and they gave out like old towels too! not nice fluffly white ones, but yellow ones. ewwewew right?i had a good time despite the horrible service. my brother helped me learn how to play blackjack and it was sooo funn. :) i had a lot of poker chips ! yayay. we also ate at this buffet in the orleans hotel. i don't really like buffets though. i honestly do not eat my money's worth, and people at buffets are really greedy! i will be waiting to get a little bit of shrimp and there is this man who like scoops a plateful of shrimp! seriously. bowling aftewards. i SUCK. :) then yesman. that movie is the cutest thing ever. and i really liked that girl's coat. i also went shopping in vegas, bought like 70 dollars worth of stuff at forever21. :) yeaaa. and i got a giraffe from this horse racing game! yayayay.
i went bowling yesterday with henry and vince and caressa. we played three games and we suckkkkk like crazy. but it was so so funn. i had a good time catching up with caressa. i hadn't seen her since like summer. there was a st. barbara reunion dinner that night, but i honestly didn't really feel like going. a lot of them have changed and i dont even talk to most of the people i used to go to school with. i'm sure it would have been fine and all, but i would have rather been bowling with those three . :)

TB shot tomorrow.
woohoooooo.



i have to start on my homework
hahaha.

are you kidding me.

it is TWO in the morning.
i had a LONG day.
up since 7:45 and didnt get home until 7:30.
12 hours of moving from one place to another.
i am TIRED.
but people like to wake me up.

and now i am pissed off.
and crying.



what the heck.
all i want to do is sleep.
but i cant.
my body + mind are too worked up.
there are too many thoughts in my mind.
the memory of you yelling at me is still there.

-sighs-

chemistry.

oh how i deplore you. and your stupid chemical bonding and atoms and polar or nonpolar and hybridization and stupid periodic table and formulas that i'm sure i wont even use when i become a nurse. this is useless, i think. and my barely than able so called chemistry teacher doesn't make it any easier to understand. no. instead of teaching he has us watch a video. he gives us worksheets and doesn't even explain the answers. his homework doesn't even correspond to the lesson he taught that day. thanks for confusing me. the only thing you probably can do is make stupid jokes that no one even laughs at. how am i supposed to understand something if you don't teach it? and its not just me, its everyone else too. you can't just assume we know what you're talking about.

plus, your lab stations are so dirty!
department of sanitation please!

ugh.
i have a chemistry test tomorrow. as much as i study, i'm pretty sure i wont be prepared for whatever is on it.

i am so stressed these days, and this month is so busy i am probably going to explode. with all the troubadour gigs and club events and the upcoming holiday concert, it feels like everything is just weighing me down. not to mention the homework that gets piled on top of me each day from my teachers as if i don't have anything better to do.
i'm not even doing well. i'm getting B's on my english essays, which totally disappoints me. i don't know how to improve my essays. i proof them and have other people proof them and they still aren't good enough. gahhh, its depressing. maybe i'm just not that great of a writer.

i feel a crying jag coming on.

back to my attempt at studying.

black friday.

slept at 2 AM.
woke up at 4 AM.
waited in line for forever 21.
so not worth it.
all i got was a stupid tote bag.
at least its cute.
sort of.
ran into alex and thang.
and etc.
got jeans.
denny's with lyan and diane.
got home around 8 AM.
slept until 12.

sucked this yearrrr.


thanksgiving i baked cookies with sheila :) i like her.
except i burned my hand. :(
you can see the mark and everything.
:(

christmas is coming!
yay!


i love to buy presents. <3

remember.

Thank you very much for being such a great friend last night. I think I was having the biggest meltdown ever, but you calmed me and helped me take my mind off of things. Sorry if I freaked you out or anything, but I just needed someone to talk to. Gah, you were right I think everything is okay now, but I'm not sure. Like I still feel weird, but maybe I'm just thinking too much. I could try your method you mentioned, but what if it doesn't work? Maybe its time to let go? I know I don't want to though. There are things that won't let me as much as everyone else says its time to. Thanks for keeping my head straight. :)
---
So yesterday I was at my grandma's house in Riverside, which was fine. I went to go watch Twilight with my mom, and to my surprise, I actually enjoyed it more than I thought I would. :] Jacob is so cute! Ahh! Scary though, hahah. My mom did not understand it at ALL, but she like fell asleep through half of it. Friends marathon when I got back to the house and then bed. It was nice to see my grandparents again. ^^ Left this morning at like 10 ish? and got home around 11.
Lyna comes home tonight, which I am so happy for! :) I missed her a lot! Yay.
I have a lot of homework I still need to catch up on, but I feel too lazy to. Oh wells.

I was looking through some old pictures. Its hard to believe it was only a year ago though.

:)

happy birthday to you<3>

melodic.

I wish I could be a much better singer. I always feel like I'm slipping or I could have done a better job on a quartet assignment. People tell me I'm good, but I dont feel it. I never took voice lessons or anything when I was younger, I just sang. In church and school choir, we didn't have any warm ups or voice lessons. All we had to kedo was learn the song we were given. There weren't any parts, just the melody. I was fortunate enough to take voice lessons last year, and I guess that made me a better musician. Yet I still don't feel the confidence in my own ability that I should have. In Troubadours, I'm surrounded by people who have such amazing talents and ablities, I tend to feel inferior. I wish I could be just as great. I wish I could be amazing. I wish it could be one of those things that just came so easily to me.


At least I have a voice.
Thanks God.

smokey.

these fires make the sky look really ugly.
one side is black, one side is blue.
:(
it makes me sad and scared.
and now the air is like gross.
i pray everyone is safe.<3

only we can prevent forest fires!

heavy heart.

so, guess what. troubadours didn't go to biola. even though tison was doubtful this whole week, i honestly thought that we were going to go. "troubadours will not be going to biola today." are you freaking kidding me?! i worked towards this festival, and i don't even get to perform in it. when i made concert choir last year, i worked my ass off to make it into troubs, surprised that i even made it into concert. and when i DID make it, i was so excited and proud to be one. but now, i have to say that i'm a little disappointed and didn't fell at all proud today. i was completely and utterly embarassed. the experience of going to all my classes today, and not having any of my homework done because i thought we were going was excruciating. "we didn't go today because mr. tison felt we weren't ready." GAH. it was just like lakjdf;alksj to say that to my teachers. i freaking work so damn hard for troubadours and it pisses the crap out of me to see others just relaxing in class. THATS NOT WHAT IT IS. It'S WORK. WORK WORK WORK. and if you can't handle it, don't be IN it. its so ridiculous how some people dont even know their music when we've been practicing the songs for like two weeks. i want to shake some people and be like GET IT TOGETHER! please? if not for yourself, for the rest of the group? my FIRST festival as a troubadour and i don't even get to go to it. and the seniors! it's their year! come ON. gah, i think tison weeding out the people second semester is a good idea, but i hope it isn't me. whenever he lectures us, i always wonder if its me that's doing something wrong! and i honestly hope it isn't, because i actually look at my music, and when he refers to the altos and says that NONE of us did, its just like HELLOOOO. AUGH. idk.

on top of that, apparently i'm this materialistic freak who expects people to buy her gifts just because she got them one. NO. that's now how i work, and i am disgusted by the fact that people would make such judgement because of one day. don't talk about me as if you know me, and don't say ooh you know its lany she'll want something. becuase i dont expect anything from anyone. i give gifts because i like the feeling it gives me. gah. just DONT.

another day, another quarrel.
we lost to edison.
gah.

i hate going to sleep with a heavy heart.

dizzy.

eh, today wasn't that great.
i barely got any sleep last night.
and i probably won't be getting much sleep.
not as long as i keep thinking about.

i was pretty much the walking dead today.
everyone said i was unusually quiet, so idk.
i had an extremely big headache that wouldn't go away.
luckily i found some tylenol in my purse.
it didn't help much though.

i'm about done with my homework, only with chem and apeuro left to do.
i finally got my A in math that i wanted.
i still have a B in chem and english.
whatever.
i'm starting to care less about things.

i think it's your turn to choose
your turn to decide
which road you want to take
with or without me.
i'm tired of these games,
i need to know.
i need to know.
before this breaks.

let go.

my heart is not a toy.



so why do you keep playing with it?

up and then down.

there is something wrong with me lately, i dont know what it is though.
i keep feeling sad and then happy and then sad and then happy.








what is up with me?
gahhh.
i need a friend.<3

year of dreams.

So I finished reading this book called Footfree and Fancyloose. These girls in this book have a Year of Dreams, in which they take a year to do what they want to do. Three of them defer college, and set out to become authors, actresses, or help out the Ethiopians. This book really makes me think about what my dreams are, and would I actually be willing to give up a year of college just to follow a dream that might not even come true? It would be my dream to become a famous music artist, but I honestly dont see that happening any time soon. In my future, I see a stable job, something that will benefit me and others in some way. It's nice to think about the life I could have, but I don't think I'd be able to do what those girls did. It's just so inspirational becuase all of them achieved what they set out to do.

Lyna was home this weekend, it was so comfortable having her back in the house. I'm happy I got to spend time with her. She's very very silly. I miss her jumbles now that she's gone. I wont be able to see her until Christmas. Pooh.

Today was so windy! I woke up and it was all WHOOSH. I hate fall. I hate windy days. My lips get chapped, my skin gets dry, and my hair gets all staticky. I feel like I'm going to blow away! Hurry up fall! Come winter, then spring. I love spring!

I got an 85 on my math test. Disgusting. My grade didnt move at ALL. It still remains an 88. AND the quarter ends in two weeks. I better ace my quizzes.

It's late, I should probably go to sleep soon, so I will. :)
Goodnight all.

relax.

i need to do that.

school makes it pretty hard though. this past week has been really long, and quite stressful. i had a chemistry test, spanish test, and geometry quiz wednesday. i'm spanish was muy facil, and i think i did okay on chemistry. i spent tuesday night reviewing the conversions for moles and whatnot. geometry i thought i did horribly wrong, but i only missed three, so i'm actually very happy about my 88. :)

tomorrow i have an apeuro and geometry test. i went to the library to study after school today, but i didn't get as much done as i wanted to. it closes at 6! -_- and everyone is always walking back and forth, so its hard for me to keep my focus.

before the library i stayed after school to help with the FVMSS program, and there are so many altos. it's seriously two full rows of just altos. two LONG rows. they're pretty cute and can sing pretty well. huy says i can fit right in with them, but i dont think so!

i should be studying right now, but i'm not. i've pretty much been studying all day, so i'm quite tired. probably going to hit the hay a litttle earlier than usual. i still need to read mythology and finish studying aperuo. and review my music for tomorrow. memorized! gahh. i pray i don't screw up, i always get nervous and shaky for quartets.

tomorrow is the end of a long week.
lyna is gonig to be home for the weekend. :)
i'm so excited! i miss her so so much.
its different without her around, but i've found ways to adjust.
going through high school without her here is at times difficult.
there are situations where i want to ask her for help,
but the distance makes it hard, so i tend not to.
i'm learning to depend on myself more.
which is good, right?



eleven months tomorrow. <3

eh.

i think i'm going to stop blogging for a while.
everything i have to say, i either forget or i've already let it out in a different way.
school gets in the way alot.



<3

still can't.

i honestly don't think i'll ever be comfortable with it.
i'm sure you're a nice person, but i'll never feel that way towards you.
why? honestly, i don't really know. but everytime you and you pop into my head, the idea of it bothers me.
maybe i'm just being paranoid.
but, that's me i guess.
we'll never be the same, and as hard as you may try, it's never going to happen.
people change as they grow up, and it's just the way it is.
so you can still be the bitch that you are to people you don't like, but don't expect me to be the same.


augh.
teen angst.


i seriously feel myself blowing up.
this is not good.
i need to relax.
otherwise, i don't know.
i hate wednesday already.
wednesday = tests day.

ew.



pray for me!

those days you felt alive.

i would blog about my time at retreat, but i'm too sore and lazy to.
lets just say it was super fun, and it was a much needed getaway.
i missed everyone though.
but now i'm back.
and reality hits me again.


good thing i love to sing :)

almost there, almost mine.

i am in love with ryan tedder's voice. <3

i think i bombed my apeuro quiz today, augh i so did not prepare well enough. even after reading the whole sections over too! oh well, at least i have a 100% in the class right now. i actually don't have any homework for that class today, and i did the section four homework ahead so i'm all set.

school is pretty much taking up most of my time, and i feel a little distance between me and some of my close friends. the thing is, you know, i guess they could make an effort too? but who am i to complain? i'm pretty sure they're busy themselves. but there are those that are quite enjoyable to talk to and it takes a while for our conversations to die, or not at all. i'm thankful for them. i think as i grow up, i'm going to learn who's really going to be there for me in the future. :)

choir retreat to thousand pines on friday! party party partyyyy. i'm so excited! :D paintball ahahaa. and singing! yayy. i have to miss the first two days of carnival, but its not like i dont go every year, and its not like its different. although i'm a little upset retreat had to fall the same weekend as carnival, i'm trying to keep a positive attitude. at least i get to go sunday!

back to geometry!

hot and cold.

i seriously feel myself having major mood swings everyday.
i dont know what it is though.
maybe it's not enough sleep or something.
things are stressing me out lately, gahhh.
keeping myself together is pretty hard on some days.
i honestly feel like sometimes i just want to scream or blow up.
and i feel myself getting pissed off more easily.
not too sure, but i pray things get better.



nine eleven today.
we watched this video in apeuro and it was so touching.
being only 8 or 9 when this tragic even occurred, i didn't really understand what was going on.
but now that i'm older i realize the impact it had on so many people.
after the video everyone was like really quiet.
it's good to know that other people care too.
war is stupid.


make love. <3

angel of mercy.

school is stressing me out.
so are other things.
eh.
i need a break.

sin city.

vegas is hot.
but my hotel is cold.
homework homework homework all day.
i can't believe i left my english book at home.
i amstupid.

hold your breath.

who ever thought the first week of school could be so stressful? i'm already filled with weekend homework that i'm forced to bring to vegas, and i'm not even looking forward to the trip itself. lots of apeuro to do, along with a couple pages of english, 20 spanish questions and flashcards, and a chem worksheet. lovely isn't it.
zero period makes me extremely tired, but i try to make up my sleep when i get home. it's harder for me to sleep so early i guess, but i've got a lot of things occupying my mind. i didn't sleep very well last night, but cindy and noelle made me feel better, so its okay i guess. there's just too much going on sometimes i don't really know how to deal with it. and it sucks becuase the one person i choose to go to isn't very supportive about it. whatever.

i miss you monkey!

first day of school!

i love the first day of school! :) despite the fact that i had to wake up at five thirty today. it was still a good day. ^^ i love getting all my binders organized and writing homework in my planner. i know its weird, but i quite enjoy being organized. :D so, an overview of my day...

zero period troubadors. nothing really new, basiscally the same as our summer rehearsal, except earlier. it was so cold in his room, but that's nothing new. tison let us out early, so i went to go meet the group at our usual table, except some people were missing! :( oh welllls.

first period apeuro. i have mr. fitzpatrick! he seems like a pretty cool guy, except when he talks it gets a little boring. lily, tiffany, and becky are in my class yay. :] apeuro is probably going to be pretty hectic though, we already have like three assignments! a vocabulary worksheet due friday, a worksheet due tomorrow, and like a four page packet due wednesday. and a quiz friday. poop, a lot a lot of work. hopefully i'll be able to handle it. :)

second period geometry. wooh mr. cochrane! i have like no one in my class! well no one that i really talk to. ew ew. it suckss butt! i sit like around freshman, but i guess its okay. we took this algebra assessment thing today, and i did not remember anything. i felt really stupid. :(
third period concert choir. tison again. it feels really weird in the choir room with less people! but i hope this year we're a lot better. :) there's only two rows of altos, and last year there were three! gahhh. we practiced this song, but getting the notes is really hard. i'll have to work on it on my own time.

fourth period english honors. penhall. ahaha. omgg he looks so scary! but he's pretty nice actually. ^^ we're reading some good books this semester, so i'm excited. everyone in my apeuro class is in my english honors class so its the same people all over again. yeah! too bad there's no extra credit though, i'll miss ms. chilcott or in her case now, mrs. fudagaki. i really liked her! extra credit exists as much as snipers do.

fifth period chemistry. omg i have oslberg, and he looks like a creeper! no offense to him at all but seriously though! he was so cocky about his swimming and his uci degree. and he talked to us like we were kindergardeners. "do you guys have a calculator out? what's 99 plus 1?" gah, we are not stupid! and then he called that michahel klavic or whatever eurotrash because we swam for like a european country even though was was born in anaheim and went to school there. "we should make that country pay us for the taxes we paid for his education! he is a swimmer first and an american second! go michael phelps! he is an american first! U-S-A! U-S-A!" yeah, it was weird. i dont reall know anyone in my chem class except hope, and she's in troubadours with me, so yay! we got our books today and mine is so old and tattered, the cover is literally falling off. -_- i wish i had gotten a new book!

sixth period spanish two. with sweeting. yayay. i have a class with jessica and christine! i'm so happy. :) bahaha. omg sweeting was giving out spanish names and this guy was like i want jaime, and i thought he said hymen and i gave jessica the weirdest look! hahaa. i sit next to jessica even though we're assigned seats alphabetically. at first we just sat next to each other, and turns out we still get to! yayy. i need so many dividers though. seven! seven! what will i use seven dividers for? god knows what.

good day at school, i have a second row locker, which is pretty good for me. :) i finished all my homework already, so yeah! i'm beginning twilight, courtesy of cindy doan, and so far i dont really like edward cullen. he's such a jerk! ahaha. we'll see what happens.

bye<3

dog days of summer.

well for me, it's the last day of summer. :) i'd have to say it was quite an enjoyable one. i think i did almost everything on my list that i had planned, so yay! :) i'm pretty much ready for school, i just need to put everything together, but the first day shouldn't be too hard! ^^ so what I did this summer...

+camping @ DHNS
+lyna's UCI graduation
+beach with lyna, trang, and ronald
+beach with lyna, huong, cauy, and ronald
+beach with lyna, trang, jenn, nhan, and ronald

+beach with lyna, huy, and ronald

+cue with the phams
+todai with caressa

+making the DHNS movie

+eight and nine <3>

+beach bash for lyna

+beach bonding with thang and anton

+days with <3

+get smart with <3

+tropic thunder with lyna, minhie, anh tung, and johndang
+bowling with huy, nhan, lyna, trang, michael

+bowling with the HTs

+OC fair with sisters, anh nhat and johndang

+boiling crab & cue with jessica and lily
+boiling crab & cue with jessica and stephanie

+FRIENDS all day

+late nights talks <3>

+choir rehearsal & party (maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaps)

+kevinle visiting my house and leaving his crap there ^^
+anton's house

+shaving thang's head
+shopping, shopping, shopping

+dark knight with hanhie, mommy, and lyna

+kabuki with lyna, anh tung, and johndang

+beach with HTs

+picnic with the family

+cajun corner with <3

+walking to heaven's delight with jessica (and getting scared by a truck and a motorcyle)

+baking cupcakes and brownies
+Body World's Exhibit with lyna and the parents
+re-reading harry potter

+biking with Huong
+fishing with my sister and my daddy

all in all, i'd say i had a pretty good summer, nevermind the bad stuff that happened. mmmhmm. this will be an awesome school year. i can feel it in my toes. :) yay!

i'll wait for you, i promise you.

Summer is getting to me. I really wish school would start, that way I can take my mind off a lot of things. A lot of things are changing in my life, and I'm not sure how these events will affect me. Today is Lyna's last day, so it's sad becacuse she won't be living with me anymore. It'll be different, and as much as I don't want her to go, she has to. I understand.

I spent the day with Lyna and her friends yesterday, and it was pretty fun. :) We ate Kabuki with Anh JohnDang and Anh Tung. It was okay, not that great. I still prefer Full Moon. Then we moseyed on over to watch Tropic Thunder. By the way, I am so totally 17, not 9. -_- The movie was... mediocre. It wasn't the best, and it certainly didn't keep me off my seat. You'd have to have like a really interesting sense of humor to fully enjoy it. But, the actor from How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days was in it, and he is so cute! Omg. :) And Lance Bass too! I dont care if he's gay, he's still cute. Ahaha. After movies, we went to Fountain Bowl, where we met up with a lot of other people. Bowling was so fun. :) I suck though. Ahahaa. Everyone kept trying to give me bowling tips, but they didnt work! In the end I just did whatever, and I got a better score than when I tried to listen to the people. Stupid Minh put me as Miss Piggy, and then everyone started calling me that! :( Gah. Anh Nhat gave me like the most hilarious bowling tip ever--"point with your crotch." Its funny, cos it was like the third time he's said that word to me, the first two times during a boogie boarding lesson. The evening ended well, my score being like... under 100 but its okay! I saw Viking for the last time before he left, I'm going to miss him. He made me laugh. =]

Sometimes it's hard to get people to understand how you're really feeling. With me, I tend to keep things to myself. I'm pretty stubborn, and only so many people can actually break through to me. It's hard to relax when everything is just so not what I expected it to be. As much as I try, sometimes I just wonder about things, and it's hard to find someone to tell my ponderings to because the people I do want to tell usually get upset. It's easier to relax when I'm with my friends becuase I know they can take my mind off of absolutely anything. They always know like the right thing to say, and its pretty great. :)

How do you know when or not to do the things you want to do? You want to be understanding, but at the same time you want what you want. And in the end you do the understanding thing because you know its the right thing to do, but you don't feel that great about it. I don't know.

As summer comes to an end, I've done almost everything on my list except go to Disneyland.
Oh well, there's always next year!

sand in your pants.

i love the beach.
i love the beach with friends.
i love bonding .


i miss my friends.
i miss the old relationships i had with them.
i miss..

lucky.

the end of summer is near! soon i'll be starting school. to be honest, i'm actually excited to start school, but now i have to fit in all these fun things to do!

On Wednesday I spent the day at Huong's. We worked on stuff and then ended up going to CUE to take pictures with the phams and teresa. It was our first time ever so we kind of sucked at it. It's so fun though! :) And addicting.

Thursday was registration! I had to wake up early. :( But I got to see some of my friends I haven't seen over summer! Yayy. I got all the classes I wanted, thankgoodness. Do you have any with me?
0- Troubadours
1- APEuro
2- Geometry
3- Concert Choir
4- English Honors
5- Chemistry
6- Spanish 2

Zero period this year, so that means I have to wake up earlier than usual, which shouldn't be too hard. :) Hopefully I have Senor Gonzalez for Spanish again because I really like his teaching style. I'm so used to it, it would be weird to have another teacher for the same subject.

My mommy took me to dimsum after registration and it was really yum! :) Later that day she took me and Jessica to CUE and we met up with lily. We were actually supposed to eat crawfish, but it was only two o clock so we had time to kill. Bahaha. Most hilarious time ever. The first time we totally messed up ahaha! It got so hot in the freaking photobooth it was crazy. We did it another time and it turned out better. :) Walked back to Boiling Crab and ate. Yum! And then we walked back to CUE to take another set of stickers. :D

:) Yay. They're so cute! Tehee.

I'm going to the beach today for Lyna's goingaway party, so it should be fun. I love the beach!

Next week Jessica and I plan to go to NickelNickel and get manipedis before school starts.

:D

Bye!

clogged arteries.

growing up is really hard. there are so many unexpected things that come at me, and a lot of lessons that i've learned. this must be what it feels like. i'm not too sure if i like it, but i'll get used to it.

ahhhh, i'm gaining so much weight. its becuase of summer. i don't really do much so i sit at home and get fat! :( good thing tomorrow i am going to 24hour. goodness. my mommy's going to buy me a pass. but i love watching friends! all ten seasons, omggness. it's hilariouss.

you know, i'm sorry i can't tell you. things just aren't the same with us anymore. maybe not to you, but to me they aren't. i'm sure you care, and i love that you do, but you don't need to, and you certainly don't have to. there are just people i'm more comfortable with. and why does it bother you so much? it's not like you don't find out anyway right? so why do you need to hear it from me? you're just so distant sometimes and treat me differently so i just learn to live without you. yeah i'll be there for you anytime, and i'm sure you are the same for me, but i can't bring myself to tell you. ever since that one day, i just dont' feel the same about you.

i'm sorry.

rainbow.

these beating drums,
we call our hearts.
they give us life
they give us love.
we love it,
we hate it.

embrace it with every ounce,
use it all until there's no more
don't look back.


i think i've come to understand that there are so many different layers to people. i see life as something positive, but lately there are people that make it not so. i've only begun to realize that not everybody has good intentions for their actions. and not everybody will try to understand things before judging. there are those who do mean things just for recreation. yeah, that's pretty lame, but who am i to judge right? as long as i know who i am, and the people i just to be around, i should be just dandy.
i know i live by "i don't care what other people think," but i think its to an extent. i do things that make me happy, and if people think something of it, well, who are they to stop my pursuit of happiness? but if you're my friends, and its on a subject rather important to me, of course i'll care. i don't totally block our your opinions.
high school has changed me a lot. i don't really know if it's for the better or for the worse. i do know that i'm happy with who i am, and that's all the really matters. i guess i'm growing up, and if people don't like it, then they don't like it. not everyone can like you, and not everyone has the same thought process as you.
people are complex. but that shouldn't stop anyone.
sometimes its better to just let things be.

delicious.

Today was great!

Spent the morning at J.Bui's house. Tehee. She gave me my PINK Victoria's Secret Hoodie for my birthday! Yayy. I love it. :) Ahaha. We were supposed to go eat crawfishy with Lily, but Lily's mom was being kind of not very nice, so change of plans. Jessy and I walked to Heaven's Delight for yogurt. Omg. We were walking and like this motorcycle made a really loud noise, so Jessica screamed which gave me a heart attack, so I screamed! Ahh. And the lady that was walking towards us started laughing. Ahaha. So embarrassing! Met up with Cathy at yogurtt! So lucky her shop is like right there, and we caught up on stuff. :) I love that chicky. After a while, Vince called, so Jessica and I walked back. There was this guy in a truck that honked at us! And were all what the hell? So we just kept walking, and he came back! I guess he made like a U-turn or something and he honked again! So Jessica ran. Ahaha. So funnny. :)

Crawfish with Vince. Yummy I love it! :) And then Vu's house. And then home. :) Yayy.


I love summer!

stop&stare.

ah, i think summer is going by way too fast. it's almost over! :( but i also want school to startt. i miss those freaks i call friends. :)
i woke up this morning at like 11ish and spent four hours baking cupcakes and brownies. i love to bake. i really want to bake a really good cake one day. yeahh.
church today, the usual, singing and stuff.
mikeeeeey and ian might come over later so we can play . :) yeaaa. i miss those guys. they're so fun, and make my day so much brighter. it'll be a blast.
so i'm trying to get the upperhand. i dont know exactly how to do it, but i will. it'll happen sooner or later. hopefully. i feel so empty and strange without it. right now i'm just waiting. let's hope for the best.

surprise me with a visit this week! it'll make my day.

getting stronger.

so, i didnt get to go to disneyland today, but that's okay. i think, somehow my week is looking up.

Thursday, I went to Corona Del Mar with Lyna, Huong, Cauyy, and Ronald. It was pretty fun. :) That beach has so much seaweed though! Ahaha. I swear, it attacked Huong like twice when we were playing in the water. Ah, there was this guy with a really hairy back. Huong and I just wanted to go over there and shave it off! Ahaha. Pretty funn stuff. After playing in the water, we went back to go dry off and just lay in the sun. Huong and I talked about stuff, ahaha not entirely sure WHY or HOW the subjects came up, but they did. I love that girly. <3

Today, I was supposed to go, but maybe it turned out for the better. I didn't have a very good morning, but Mitchell came over and we played and talked. :) He made me feel loads better! I'm gonna him him like crazy! <33 His car smells though. Ahaha. Good luck at Westmont! Ah.. choir later today. The usual. Maybe Huong's house. :)

There's a lot of things in life I'll never understand, and there are things in life I'll never like. But in the end, I think it'll make me a better person. God blows wind in my direction only to lead me to the right path. All I need to do is believe, trust, and have faith. It's not going to be easy, but I think that as long as I try, everything will be okay.

i'm gonna love you with my life.

good morning everyone. yet another day of summer has come, and i don't have any plans today. mmm. anton cancelled! buttface.<3 tomorrow! ahaha.
i didn't get much sleep last night, considering how i went to sleep at six o clock. i really need to stop thinking at night, it keeps me up.
there are things i will proably never understand, but i can't stop myself from trying to. so many questions run through my head unanswered, and so many "what ifs?". i don't know how things are like this. is there a point in trying anymore? my heart beats fsater everytime i see you, but does that really say anything? these words you choose to tell me, your feelings, are they real? do you bullshit me? i don't know. i try hard to believe but sometimes it just doesn't come through. and why are you still here? you say horrible things that you supposedly don't mean, but how do i know that? what's your reason for still being here? no one's making you stay, not even me.
anyway.
beach tomorrow with cat, gisi, and carno. GOD i miss those girls. <3 it'll be a fun day. and then an evening with anton. planning stuff. ahaha. mmmm. i look foward to the rest of this week. at least some things can keep me up. :)

body worlds.

Today I went to the Body Worlds Exhibit with my parents and Lyna in LA.
It was pretty coool. :)
Everything is REAL.
Like, those bodies used to be living!
This will be a disappointment, but my favorite part was the big giraffe at the end.
It was SO BIG and TALL you know?
It was a REAL giraffe!
Haha. They wouldn't let me take pictures, but oh welll.
Came home and finished the rest of Harry Potter and the Scorcerer's Stone.
I swear I will never get tired of that series. <3
The rest of my day was okay, shitty in the end though.
People make me upset.
I just don't understand why it's that way.

-sighs-
Tomorrow is another day.
Anton's coming over! :)

summerr. :)

i love it. don't you? :)
it's just so much fun! ahaha.
i'm excited for this comingg weeek.
museum, beach, & disneyland!
yeahh! :)
mmm, i feeel like baking!
anyone want some cupcakes?
yay!

i <3 choir.

last two week of school! yeah!
today's choir banquet was so funn! :]
i'm going to miss all the seniors. <3
i got most improved female singer.
surprise surprise much?
the place was nice.
the food was good.
what a great day. ^^

birthday wishes.

thanks to everyone who made my special day enjoyable.
i loveeee it. :]
<3

troubawhat?

mm.
last day of troubador tryouts. :]
i think i did well.
hopefully. i really want this.
i prayyy i make it.
but there's nothing more i can do.
let's just hope God puts me in the right place.

three day weekend !
yea!
:]
two more weeks of school, and then finals.
three more days until my birthday.
are you excited?
i am!
but the end of the year is very stressed out.


BROADAY CONCERT! :]
come people.
ask mee.

sing = stress.

First off, I would like to say that I got a 96 on my math test today! :] I am quite proud of myself TYVM.I only missed one question, which is a little depressing.
Learned the "Baltimore" coreography today, well sort of. It's still a big mess as far as I can tell.
My auditions were today. Omigod.
I am so freaked out.
Tison is posting up the lists tomorrow for second round.
I pray I get in.
I don't know how well I did.
He is so stoic sometimes.
Wish me luck.

Never Cry Wolf test tomorrow.
Gotta re-read the whole stupid book.
Bye.
<3

heat.

it's been quite hot lately.
yup.
i've been sleeping early for the past two days.
there's a lot of stuff on my mind.
seems like the only way to avoid it is to sleep.
not quite sure how to fix things.
its a challenge between my heart and my mind.
i'll get through somehow.

made cupcakes for tony.
i love you! <3
thanks for everything. :]

peayce.

mommy day.

Happy Birthday to my mommy today! :]
I love my mommy. <3
She is the best mommy ever.
Lyan and I surprised her at work today.
So funny. Huy recorded it.
She though we were going to the library. Fun fun fun! :D

Turned in the endangered species research paper today. Finally, everything big is over and done with. I can relax. At least until finals come along. And auditions next week. I hope I am ready.

Been thinking a lot lately.
I don't really know what to think now.
i'm being pulled into two different directions.
I wish someone could just tel me what to do.

Goodnight.<3

CST.

Wednesday.
First part of Star Testing, English section. Pretty easy. :] And wooh, I got out at 11! Went to go eat Full Moon with Jessica and Stephanie. It was so yummy. And then shopping at Fashion 21 and Coldstones ice cream! We went back to Jessica's house and baked cupcakes. Let's just say they didn't LOOK very tasty. In fact, they kind of looked like boobs. Haha. Jessica has NO proper cooking utensils at all. We had to use baskin robins spoons to scoop the batter into the cupcake holders WITHOUT PAM being sprayed on them. (COUGH JESSCIA). And then she didn't even have a cooking timer! We had extra batter so we made hearthshaped cakes and Jessica went a litle crazy on the PAM. Haha. :] Mmmmm bagel bites are soooo yummmy!
Thursday.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO JESSICA! :] No I did NOT buy her underwear. :] I got her VANS. Yeahhhhh I did. ^^ I lovee you Jessica! Mmm. Last day of CST. Math and Biology! SO nastyyy. It was pretty easy except I bubbled in the WRONG SECTION for BIO. Augh. So i had to do it all over. -_- Andy is very mean. I am gonig to smush his face with a cupcake one day. mmm. Got out at 1:20. Went home and slept for a long long time. I should probably read Never Cry Wolf for the quiz tomorrow.

Adios!

May is off to a good start! <3

contemplation.

I've been thinking a lot lately.
You know, it might be better to like give up, but I don't.
I need to be careful about who I tell things to.
When you confide in someone, you confide in them.
You trust them to not tell anyone.
Despite what the circumstances are.
Sometimes you gotta keep things just between the two of you.
Have you learned it yet?
I have.
I think.

weather.

first day back in thieu nhi for two weeks! :]
it was so fun.
hot like crazy.
i blame global warming.
but i still love spring.
hurry up, april!

breakthrough.

oh wow. I haven't posted in a long time. Well, this time it's going to be about San Francisco!

Friday.

Augh. I hate bus rides. I think I slept through more than half of it. It was sort of fun though, watching The Office. That show is bomb! So after 8 hours or so on the bus, we got to San Francisco and it was so windy! And cold! But downtown San Fran is quite pretty. I love the buildings! They are soooo tall. So we checked into the Mariott and I was in hotel 1231 with Allison, Jessica, and Brittany. :] Yay. That hotel is super super nice. We pretty much just relaxed until we had to go up to St. Ignatius Church and sing. That church is probably the prettiest church I have ever seen! The stained glass windows were so pretty, and the architecture was amazing! We sang our three songs, and I thought we pretty much blew it. Afterwards we had a convention thingy with this Russian woman. She was so cute and amazing! I thinkk she helped us a lot. :] We went back to the Mariott and the girls and I went down to the jacuzzi and it was crowded as hell with 17 choirs there! My goodness.

Saturday.

Fisherman's wharf! What a freakishly cold day. Freezing! But fun. Walked down to Pier 39 and into the shops. :] So fun! There was this pearl jewelry thing from Hawaii, and Ruth and I got a necklace and ring. So expensive though! But pretty. :] There was this one store called Krazy Kaps, and it was hilariousss. They had the most ridiculous hats anyone could find! Mm.. we walked down to Ghiradelli Square, although there wasn't much to do there. I love chocolate! But I hate sourdough bread and clam chowder. It is not very good. Despite the fact that that is what San Francisco is famous for. In the evening, we had a choir banquet and dance at the Mariott. Everyone looked so pretty! :] The food was good and the dessert was too. Dancing was fun, but hard becuase everyone is like crunched up on youuuu. Omg. CARLLL is such a good dancer. Baha. OH yeah, found out that there are lots of fake girls in choir. AHEM. After we went down to Jacuzzi again. :D Yayyyy. After jacuzzi, Mr. Tison called us into the room to give us like a lecture, and then he todl us our results and Troubs got first and Concert Choir got second! :] I was so happyyy. Everyone was like jumping up and downnn. ! What a happy moment.

Sunday.
Golden Gate Bridge! By the beach! It's so pretty! :] I <3>

:] woooh everglades high school.

Fun weekend.

I loved San Francisco. <3

golden state.

For those who were lucky enough make Concert Choir this year, we all were excused from our fourth period class and on to compete in the Golden State Competition. No, we didn't win. We didn't even place. Honestly, I didn't think we were horrible, but I know we weren't that great. The church we sang in was so pretty! It had a super long aisle and the stained glass windows were so amazing. Mm.. so Fountain Valley had to perform first due to the time schedule of our accompianist. We sang three songs consisting of Warum, the required He, Watching Over Israel, and John the Revelator. I thought the first two were pretty good, but the last one was totally thrown off by the claps. Aughhhh. I am very sad. :[ Ohmigoodness, the choir from San Marino had these really not very nice dresses! They looked like prom dresses and were sleeveless. Some were red and some were gold and they all had like... weird swirly sequins on them. o.o The funniest thing was their whole choir was like 98% asian, and Mitchell dubbed them "South Korea." LLOL. Mmm, after we sang we had to sit there for the rest of the 9 choirs to sing and listen to the encores of the winning choirs from fifth to first for the small and large choir divison. It was very boring. If I hear He, Watching Over Israel one more time, I am going to shoot myself. I absolutely hate that song now. I mean, I used to like it in the beginning, but now it's just OHMIGOODNESS. I was so tired during the whole thing, considering the two and a half hours of sleep I got Monday. I was starving too! My body was so tired when I got home. Augh.

Because of yesterday's flipflop, Tison was very disappointed in us. Next year he's cutting the choir down to only 55 people! And everyone has to re-try out. Ohmigoodness. This is no good. I hope I make Troubadors next year. :D I lovee choir! But the some of the people in class are really starting to annoy me. -_-

Ack. My body is tired and sore for godknowswhat reason. I need a massage. Anyone?

first day back.

Well, I guess I can say that my sprink break is officially over. Waking up at 6AM was pretty much a slap in the face for me. As much as I love school, I felt a little slow today. First period was the same as usual with Cindy and me bickering. We had convention time during second, and it turns out my project is coming along pretty well? Thank goodness. I was totally freaking out about it. Another day of rehearsal in third before our Golden State Competition tomorrow! Oh deary. We're pretty much prepared for it except... John the Revelator isn't going as well as it could be. Hopefully things will be better tomorrow. Omigoodness! The choir room got a new piano and it's sooo coooool. It like automatically records the notes and pedals and Mr. Tison can set it to play the song by itself! So its like a ghostie playing the piano. Scary scary. :] It's shiny too! P.E. was easy today. Just trunk lifts and five minutes of running. I can lift my trunk 9 inches! So I guess I have the normal flexibility of a woman. :D Didn't do much in fifth except a Spanish worksheet and we just read Romeo and Juliet in sixth. Pretty easy day.

I just woke up from my nap and I still feel really tired. This is no good. April is going to go by so fast! Augh. Schoooool is too. Eleven more weeks! :] I think I can handle it. Have a nice day!

finally.

<---(Stephanie and Lany being fatbutts. :])

Yesterday was pretty fun fun. :] It was the last day of spring break! :[ I went to Jessica's house at 10AM and stayed there for 7 hours? Haha. We basically watched the Top Model Season 6 Marathon until Lily came over. Then we watched Jerry Springer. I think that show is so ridiculousss. It was funny how Jess kept trying to take a picture of the guy with no legs on her cell phone. She would get so excited and then miss him! The three of us played Disney Monopoly while waiting for Stephanie to come pick us up. I haven't played that game in the longest time, so it was pretty fun. Especially how Lily didn't know how to be the banker! :] I actually got Monopoly with the green spaces too. Yay me. Stephanie finally picked us up at 3:30 and we went to Cajun Corner! Yummmy, right? It came to a total of about... sixty dollars? o.o We walked to Stephie's mom's workplace and she drove us to Yogurt Passion! That place.. is not very good. Heaven Delight is so much better! It was funny though because they have these tables that can move up and none of us knew how to put it back down. I was pretty fat by the end of the day.

Confirmation was actually productive yesterday! I think it was due to a lack of a certain someone's presence. Mr. Rushman is such a good teacher. :D

School is coming back and I am freaking out about the stupid bio conventions. My group hasn't done anything.. so I'll probably be doing the whole thing myself. Lovely, isn't it? Reading logs are also due Friday and I'm sure none of us have started on them. -_- The stupid Romeo and Juliet paper is due god-knows-when because she doesn't give us a set due date, which certainly is not fair. Let's just hope its not anytime freakishly soon. Quarter report cards also come out this Friday, and I'm sure I have at least two B's. Luckily I have the whole semester to bring it up easily.

April is coming ! :] And it's filled with lots of events. This should be fun.

spring break.

wootie.