lost

camp was really fun. i was with huong and david vu. :) teammm domination! sorta. hahaha it was better than i thought it was going to be, considering how i didn'tlook foward to it. camp was actually good for me, helped me get away from reality a little bit. it went by rather quickly, and i'm glad to be back.

i did lose my voice, and i talk like a man. its really disgusting. i'm dying of a cough right now and hopefully i can sing tomorrow for golden state. i'm not going to be conceited and be like oh they need me to sing, but i am a part of the choir so i'm hoping it'll be better with me singing? i haven't sung for the past two days in choir, and my ears have listened a lot more.
my packing still has not begun for louisiana/texas tour, and i really need to get on it. we got our itineraries today, and there's so many things on the list that i'm excited for! :) tell me if you want a souvenir and i'll try to get you something special. teheeee.

i haven't approached this subject for a while. maybe its because i'm done with it? honestly, i don't think i am, but at the same time, things feel different. there is still a part of me that hopes for a little something, but i know in the back of my heart there's nothing there and probably wont ever be. i take each day as it comes, every little thing you do, and every feeling you give me. i've gotten used to you. i need to ignore whatever my heart says. i'm supposed to be over this and have moved on. i think i have.
but you don't make me bitter. in fact, its the exact opposite. you make me smile. its rather ridiculous of me to feel this way. i'm too nice, i guess, and i'm a sucker for those who are sweet. but this time i really am a sucker. becuase i fell for everything. everything you did or said. now that i think about it, at the time, it felt warm, but now its like all those things were just empty. i've never met a person quite like you, and i'm pretty sure i'll meet plenty more. the ones that just do things for the fun of it, and don't really care. the ones that bait and release. i honestly do not want to believe that thats the kind of person you are. i'm waiting for you to prove it to me. but for now, i choose to not dump my onesided "feelings" onto you.


i can't wait to be gone.