right now, i feel like i need to get away from everyone, everything. i don't know why things are this hard. they shouldn't be. i'm sorry i don't fit into this perfect "lany" mold that you have for me. i am human. i err. i make mistakes. if you were my friend, you wouldn't yell at me for them and you wouldn't get all up on my ass about them. don't you dare go all preacher on me when you do the exact same thing in even more amounts than i do.
the thing is, i don't even feel myself anymore. i tried to do something to make myself happy, and i tried to do something to make him happy, but in the end, i always get bit in the ass about it. i'm the one that's call selfish and the one that's called a bitch. i feel so out of place right now, like so many people are upset with me because i've done one thing wrong. and its ridiculous because i thought it would be good for me. i'm supposed to be happy, and i'm supposed to feel free. instead, i feel judged and shamed like i'm some sort of felon.
what is this? what are these emotions running through me? i'm not sure of anything anymore. i need some sort of sign. i need God to guide me. i need my real friends to take care of me. but i want to be independent. i want to take care of myself. i don't want to rely so much on others. i'm trying so hard to do everything i can to be the person you want me to be, but it would be a lot easier if you would just accept me for who i am. stop passing judgement, stop acting like you do everything right in the world.
i'm sorry.
i need to pray. i need to smile. i need to feel happy. i need to get away.
BUT.
i am rather thankful for those who do understand, who don't judge me, and who do help me become a better person. <3
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3 comments:
aw, i know how you feel lany, but there's always going to be people that are there for you, i'm here for you :)!
I always love you Lany! <3
you deserve to be happy
and ily
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