black friday.

slept at 2 AM.
woke up at 4 AM.
waited in line for forever 21.
so not worth it.
all i got was a stupid tote bag.
at least its cute.
sort of.
ran into alex and thang.
and etc.
got jeans.
denny's with lyan and diane.
got home around 8 AM.
slept until 12.

sucked this yearrrr.


thanksgiving i baked cookies with sheila :) i like her.
except i burned my hand. :(
you can see the mark and everything.
:(

christmas is coming!
yay!


i love to buy presents. <3

remember.

Thank you very much for being such a great friend last night. I think I was having the biggest meltdown ever, but you calmed me and helped me take my mind off of things. Sorry if I freaked you out or anything, but I just needed someone to talk to. Gah, you were right I think everything is okay now, but I'm not sure. Like I still feel weird, but maybe I'm just thinking too much. I could try your method you mentioned, but what if it doesn't work? Maybe its time to let go? I know I don't want to though. There are things that won't let me as much as everyone else says its time to. Thanks for keeping my head straight. :)
---
So yesterday I was at my grandma's house in Riverside, which was fine. I went to go watch Twilight with my mom, and to my surprise, I actually enjoyed it more than I thought I would. :] Jacob is so cute! Ahh! Scary though, hahah. My mom did not understand it at ALL, but she like fell asleep through half of it. Friends marathon when I got back to the house and then bed. It was nice to see my grandparents again. ^^ Left this morning at like 10 ish? and got home around 11.
Lyna comes home tonight, which I am so happy for! :) I missed her a lot! Yay.
I have a lot of homework I still need to catch up on, but I feel too lazy to. Oh wells.

I was looking through some old pictures. Its hard to believe it was only a year ago though.

:)

happy birthday to you<3>

melodic.

I wish I could be a much better singer. I always feel like I'm slipping or I could have done a better job on a quartet assignment. People tell me I'm good, but I dont feel it. I never took voice lessons or anything when I was younger, I just sang. In church and school choir, we didn't have any warm ups or voice lessons. All we had to kedo was learn the song we were given. There weren't any parts, just the melody. I was fortunate enough to take voice lessons last year, and I guess that made me a better musician. Yet I still don't feel the confidence in my own ability that I should have. In Troubadours, I'm surrounded by people who have such amazing talents and ablities, I tend to feel inferior. I wish I could be just as great. I wish I could be amazing. I wish it could be one of those things that just came so easily to me.


At least I have a voice.
Thanks God.

smokey.

these fires make the sky look really ugly.
one side is black, one side is blue.
:(
it makes me sad and scared.
and now the air is like gross.
i pray everyone is safe.<3

only we can prevent forest fires!

heavy heart.

so, guess what. troubadours didn't go to biola. even though tison was doubtful this whole week, i honestly thought that we were going to go. "troubadours will not be going to biola today." are you freaking kidding me?! i worked towards this festival, and i don't even get to perform in it. when i made concert choir last year, i worked my ass off to make it into troubs, surprised that i even made it into concert. and when i DID make it, i was so excited and proud to be one. but now, i have to say that i'm a little disappointed and didn't fell at all proud today. i was completely and utterly embarassed. the experience of going to all my classes today, and not having any of my homework done because i thought we were going was excruciating. "we didn't go today because mr. tison felt we weren't ready." GAH. it was just like lakjdf;alksj to say that to my teachers. i freaking work so damn hard for troubadours and it pisses the crap out of me to see others just relaxing in class. THATS NOT WHAT IT IS. It'S WORK. WORK WORK WORK. and if you can't handle it, don't be IN it. its so ridiculous how some people dont even know their music when we've been practicing the songs for like two weeks. i want to shake some people and be like GET IT TOGETHER! please? if not for yourself, for the rest of the group? my FIRST festival as a troubadour and i don't even get to go to it. and the seniors! it's their year! come ON. gah, i think tison weeding out the people second semester is a good idea, but i hope it isn't me. whenever he lectures us, i always wonder if its me that's doing something wrong! and i honestly hope it isn't, because i actually look at my music, and when he refers to the altos and says that NONE of us did, its just like HELLOOOO. AUGH. idk.

on top of that, apparently i'm this materialistic freak who expects people to buy her gifts just because she got them one. NO. that's now how i work, and i am disgusted by the fact that people would make such judgement because of one day. don't talk about me as if you know me, and don't say ooh you know its lany she'll want something. becuase i dont expect anything from anyone. i give gifts because i like the feeling it gives me. gah. just DONT.

another day, another quarrel.
we lost to edison.
gah.

i hate going to sleep with a heavy heart.