misslanydao.

photo diary.

2009-09-02T17:02:00.001-07:00

sophomore year.

2009-08-30T12:03:00.000-07:00

just some highlights, before i have a fresh start on wednesday. :)
particularly long blog, probably cos i haven't done one on here in a while.

concert choir retreat at 1000 pines. we had such an idiot bus driver, who needed to learn how to CHILL out, i remember he made us all file off the bus and back on becuase no everyone was three to a seat. and then he tried to assign us seats, the fck man, who do you think you are?! it was scary when our bus broke down as we were going up the mountain, it was really hot too! the whole weekend was really fun, i love singing, especially kids who love it as much as i do.

fall concert, through the eyes of a child. my first concert ever as a troubadour.

look at all those presents! :) i love christmas time! especially since this year, i got the pink canon digicam i've always wanted. i love the guys for getting it for me!

troubadour catalina retreat was the shit, hahahahaa. so much bonding time! ouija board, which was freaking scary as heck, esepcially playing in the dark. and almost getting caught by tison cos i was playing nerfgunwars with the boys. i seriously was having a heart attack behind that door! disgusting games where i had to eat crap, and a lot a lot a lot of singing! i'll still always remember this retreat at the first time i ever.... yeah. NEVER AGAIN.

APexams. apeuro, to be exact. this group right here, such an exception group of people i'll never forget. :) how lucky is it that we always happened to be in english class also? penhall & fitzpatrick ftw. haha, i totally died in euro, but i sitll managed to pull of an A both semesters and a 4 on my exam. yeaa! i love those kids though man. best class ever.

confirmation 2. the retreat was go great, yea for team kindness! i had to miss a choir festival for the retreat, but it was so worth my time. on the last day, i cried so much when i got the letters from my parents, lyna, and my bestfriends. the actual mass was so great, everyone looked beautiful. :) i'm so glad to be an adult in the church now, i hope to do some good and grow up to become a more spiritual person. can't wait to come back and TA this year!

doan camp! ahhh, being in a group with huong and david vu = domination. no doubt no doubt, thats the co danh du right theree in our hands! :) i love love love tnttsb. my second family, one of my happy places. i'd go anywhere with them!

choir tour ! lousiana & texas! ahhhhhhhhhhhh! best trip ever ever ever ever ever ever ever. hanging with the mormons + asians, jam sessions in the stair well. winning EVERYTHING.

sweet sixteen birthday dinner at buca! 25 people? $500 meal + $80 tip? best sweet sixteen i could ever ask for, seriously. :) i only invited school kiddies, and i love each and every one of them! haha, thanks to vincent for playing me happybirthday on the uke, and chris for playing for me too! haha, i barely ate that night, was too busy circulating and talking to everyone! i love my friends, one of the happiest nights ever.

end of the year show, happiest music on earth. AHHHH! its my favorite concert of the YEAR. all those endless rehearsals were completely worth it. my time to shine, to show every what i can do. great memories with troubadours, i'll miss the seniors! the show was amazing, i even learned how to tap and swing dance.

DHNS @ cornerstone retreat center! okay, the overall camp was kinda sucky, but it was still a good time. our skit OWNED with our jai ho dance! ahh, this camp was like important, group 5 with lyndon, spent the whole freaking weekend with him. which turned out to have a larger affect than i thought it would. :)

bowling with the fitz/penhall kids. just a little reunion, not everyone was there, but it was still a blast! i loved seeing beckman and tle093 again forsuree! i suck at bowling, and everyone says i bowl in a girly way. :( WHATEVER HATERS. ahh, i hope all of us are still close as junior year comes.

DISNEYLAND after having not been there in 6,7,8 years! i love this place, LOVE it. its magical.

thang nay, and his birthday dinner. he's sixteen now! yaaay. so, it wasn't as bad as i thought it would be, hahaha. i'm glad i came, even though i was sick as a dog! :( we matched, yay, my favorite color pink! he's cuute, i'm glad i know him cos he makes me really happy. Lsquared823ftw.

"is it lame to ask on the phone?"
haha i tease, it was cute.

ahhh! its over, this was really long, but who the heck is gonna read all of it? :) anyway, i'm excited for junior year, i can't wait wait wait! it'll be hard, but i'm ready.

blog.

2009-07-10T10:33:00.000-07:00

ive taken to posting on tumblr.
its a little more personal.
yeah, if you find me, yay.
if you don't, well its not like anyone reads this anyway. :)

summer time.

2009-07-08T12:26:00.000-07:00

yay for morning glories! haha, fourth of july was pretty fun, it's been a while since i've actually lit fireworks! they're so pretty! i spent that saturday at NS sports practice, where we played volleyball, it was more enjoyable than i thought it would be. i really hope we win the NS Sports Day! we don't even know what we're playing yet, but i'm hoping that its volleyball, cos that's what we practiced. haha! mass, then huong's house. played with kathleen! :) she is the most adorable little girl ever, cept she pulls my hair. :( mmm, talked with huong for a bit until we went to vinh's house to light fireworks! ahh, i was so excited! :) came home smelling like smoke.. so took a shower and texted and slept.
YESTERDAY was anthony's birthday, he's sixteen now! er, spent the day at his house. :) a mix of study/play. he's so smart. :( ugh. mmm, got home i was really tired and i wanted to take a nap, but i couldn't.. so just worked on some stuff. hmmm. later that night called tiffany093 to update her on some stuff. i hadn't talked on the phone in a long time, so it was nice! she's so funny. :)i love her.

god, i'm happy. <3

texts.

2009-07-06T10:25:00.000-07:00

16,600.

yeah....

:)

?

2009-07-04T11:13:00.000-07:00

i think i hurt someone. :(
but i really didn't mean to.
i just didn't know.
i was confused.
caught up in my own feelings.
what could have been, who knows.
maybe it would have worked out.
but, i'm happy now.
i have everything i want.

so why do i still end up feeing like a terrible person? :(

alex the concierge.

2009-07-03T18:49:00.000-07:00

today, i went shopping with jessica for five hours at south coast.
it was such a fail. :( i was supposed to buy a birthday present, but i couldn't find anything. and i didn't let myself buy anything for me until i bought the present. but then i gave up. haha.
we walked from south coast to the lab. oh my god. it was SO hot. haha.
HOT HOT HOT. and my feet hurt.
urban outfitters i saw this shirt i wanted to buy, but it was so expensive i didnt bring enough money. :( so i'm hoping i'll be able to go back this weekend and buy it. sigh. i DID buy sandals! $19 yayayayy. i desperately needed some.
buffalo exchange is so O_O i cannot shop there. it was really crowded and cramped and i felt claustrophobic!
haha we walke back, and its so scary trying to cross the street where the entrance to the freeway is. haha me and jess seriously ran for our lives across the street.
oh yeah and this lady asked us for directions to macys.. hopefully we gave her the right ones.
mm, bought a cute tee from aerie and lipgloss from bathandbody.
i'm happy with my purchases. wish i had bought that urban shirt though. :(

i went home and took a nap. i was soooooo tired.

i think i am going to read harrypotter5 and eat icecream!
yumyumyum.

goodday<3

mmm.

2009-07-02T16:23:00.000-07:00

smile, jesus loves you!

2009-06-29T17:17:00.000-07:00

SB SPIRIT. :)
mm, camp was fun. it was really hot and i got sick, but whatever.
i hadn't seen lyndon and ken in a long time. pretty much spent the whole weekend with lyndon, which was funfunfun. made some new friends, which is always nice. :)
i'm tired and sore, and my voice is pretty much gone, and even though camp wasn't as great as it usually is, i'm glad i went.

campcampcamp

2009-06-26T15:07:00.000-07:00

today is the day! i'm so excited! i have to leave in like an hour and i'm not done packing, but whatever. CAMP. i get to see LYNA. who i haven't seen in like ages and i have so much to tell her but she'll probably be too busy or i'll be too busy but hopefully i get to talk to her a litle bit. sometimes a phone call isn't enough sometimes, you know?
my APBIO book came yesterrday! i'm so excited! haha, i just need my shoes from urbanoutfitters, clothes from forever21, and lab manual to come and i'll be satisfied. :]
this morning i made brownies to bring to camp. yum!
lyan took me to the mall to buy a new bra, finally.
sushi with my sister diane anh long at maru sushi. it was fun ! i haven't had sushi in the longest time.

YESTERDAY went to anton's house and kicked it with thang and anton. haha, it was pretty chill, i love those two ! :] plans to watch transformers next week and beach it with them so i hope my mommy lets me even though i have like a million things to study, but come onn its summer!
today we're perforing for our skit, and i honestly have no clue how its going to turn out! yesterday's practice was pretty much... idk. well, it was an improvement. i'm really scared to sing in front of everyone and even though i've done it before cos of choir, its different. i'm like afraid the mics will be stupid or i won't move people with the song the way i'm supposed to. gahh! if anything, i had fun doing it with everyone. :]

i don't like to get into fights, but i'm not gonna back down if you say something riduculous to me. if i feel like i didn't do anything wrong, i won't take your bullshit. yeah, i'm understanding but i'm not going to let you walk all over me either. i don't mean to be a bitch, i just get stressed.
but, i'm happy. this may sound dumb, but i think i deserve to be happy. just a little bit of happiness. and, i am. everything is how its supposed to be, sorta... hahah. thinking of the near future sometimes skews my feelings but i try not to think about it. its scary to just give it away like that. so, i'm still holding onto it. just in case. just in case it's not what it seems to be.

anyway, i still need to cut brownies!
text me this weekend.
:] hopefully i have reception.

byee loves<3

we're unstoppable now

2009-06-24T10:33:00.001-07:00

i stayed up late last night, but its summer so its okay right?
skit practice yesterday was chaotic.
everyone was pretty much ALL over the place, and there was a lot of negative energy.
bao for sure is freaking out, but i am too a little. he's coming over today to voice record along with jason, huong, and daniel. hopefully we can pull this together at the last minute. i really want to win!
augh, i was really annoyed yesterday though. freaking thieu girls. that suck. that can't dance. in the back. that are too cool. my god, if you don't want to do it then don't be in it! ladkjfalksdjf;asidfa! and that other girl. whatever her name is. i will refer to her as monkey girl's friend's sister. i don't know why the heck you're there, but at least do something. offer to help! be IN the skit! you're there every single practice anyway. it's not like we have a million people.
augh! okay. i am calm.

mmm, i've been thinking a lot lately.. acutally have been forced to think a lot lately about this subject. haha, i dont know what i want. i know what i need, but want is totally different. sometimes i'm like, this totally isn't worth my time, but other times its like, maybe threre's more than what it is. i don't like giving up on things, unless i truly feel like its not worth my time.
gah, i am indecisive.
but in any case, until anything is said, i'm a free bird. i do what i want, when i want. if you want something, do something about it.

why is it that i still haven't gone to the beach?! :(
i miss my sister.

you belong with me

2009-06-22T19:12:00.000-07:00

"hot piece of sex"
yes he is. mmmm.

this morning i cleaned out my closet! i feel accomplished. :)
THE PROPOSAL with DARLENE today.
such a cute and satisfying movie.
:)
i love darlene!
ooh, my APBIO book got shipped today. i'm so excited. ahaha, i'm such a nerd.
this week is going to be great.
i can't wait wait wait for camp!!

i'm not yours to keep.

FCK.

2009-06-18T22:00:00.001-07:00

you.

summer?!

2009-06-17T20:09:00.000-07:00

so this summer, i vow to be productive! :)
yesterday i cleaned my room and felt so accomplished! ahaha. mmm, i got my books ready for school next year, (i know i'm such a loser) but whatever. i was supposed to start apbio homework yesterday and today, but the stupid server is down, which means i can't do it! i have apush and apbio and sats to work on this summer. wooh! i'm planning on taking drivers ed too. and i applied for a job a tastea, which i really hope i get. i was laying in bed thinking about everything i have to do this summer, and it was really overwhelming! how am i going to handle it all? summer seems like such a long time, but like everything else, it slips right through your fingers. mm, i'll have to mkae the most of every moment. :)
man, i'm growing up. all these things, getting a job and sats, they seemed so long ago, something that i thought i wouldn't have to worry about for a while. and now, its here! its pretty crazy how life passes by so quickly. i'm scared, but i'm excited.
mmm, camp is coming up! i finally get to see everyone again. :) yay lyndon! ahaha. i hope our skit turns out well, and i hope we dominate. :)
i'm going to have some fun this summer too! beach beach beach and disneyland! plus spending my days with darlene<3.

mm, just one little rant.
don't get mad at me over things i can't control. don't be a bitch just cos i can't be somewhere. understand and don't completely shut me out, because, hey, i would never do that to you. don't talk shit when you honestly have no clue what the hell you're talking about. i guess that just makes you the lesser person.

ANYWAY.
call me up anyday to go play. <3

i am...

2009-06-16T11:48:00.001-07:00

scared to get too attached.
cos, you know it might be pointless!
and then everything falls apart.
that's not good at all.
so i'll just keep it like this.
close, but at a distance.

i've learned not to let go of my own heart.
at least not completely.

summer.<3

2009-06-13T11:48:00.000-07:00

a GREAT school year. i've met so many amazing people, and they've made such an impact on my life. thanks to everyone who put up with me this WHOLE year, because i know how hard it is! :(
mm, i'm definitely going to miss everyone.

straight A's, i'm happy.
thanks penhall!

I LOVE SUMMER.
call me to hang out babe. <3

bait&release.

2009-06-10T20:58:00.000-07:00

gotta get outta here,
i'm stuck inside this rut that i fell into by mistake
gotta get out of here.
i'm begging you,
i'm begging you,
i'm begging you to be my escape.

i just want you you you you you.

2009-06-08T20:26:00.000-07:00

gabe bondoc singing that is amazing.
sighsigh.
i want to sing that with a boy on the uke.
damnit vincent, LEARN IT ALREADY. :)
hahahaaa.

i'm debating on whether i should trust what people say to me.
sometimes its a load of crap.
but i dont want to be like, cynical either.
maybe its time to just let it go.
but i don't want to.
oh god.
i am the most indecisive person ever.
how do you guys put up with me? JESSICA?!

finals weeek.
i am indifferent.
let's get this over with.
summer summer summer come.

i can't wait for camp.
to see everyone.
<3

its going to be awesome.
:)

A FOLLOW UP ON WHAT JESSICA TOLD ME.
girl, you must be crazy to think i just got to where i am today. i'm sorry if i'm friendly, but it doesn't mean things are easy. maybe more people know me cos my sisters are HTs but its not like its something special. don't you dare say i don't work for my praise/honors/shit becuase that is BULL. BULL BULL BULL. i work my ass off. i don't need recognition for it. i'm just there to do what i do and have fun. i'm sorry you're not included in our supposed "COOL" group, but chill out. don't go attacking people saying things you don't know. you end up looking dumb. if you want to hang out with us, just hang out. its not like we're exclusive.

i need a new video to record. :|
but at least summer's coming! :)

i know very well.

2009-06-06T22:03:00.000-07:00

today was a pretty fun day, spent the morning with JDN<3. we went to go eat crawfish at Cajun Corner, which i haven't had in the longest time. yumm yumm! haha we went back to her house, and worked off those calories playing WII . dude, it's so fun. boxing is so crazy! went old school and played DDR, which i haven't played since like 8th grade. i suck . :( oh well.

finals are coming up, so major studying this week.
lets study together guys! :)

this year, i've discovered that there are just some people who aren't worth my time. they don't deserve the kindess that i give. i don't expect them to reciprocate the same amount of kindness, but its amazing how things can change within a couple of hours. i think those are the kind of people that in end, won't be there for you. even though i know this, i'm still nice. idk, kindness and forgiveness are good, and everyone has some good in them. i've seen the good, so maybe its just a fluke that one time. whatever, we'll see.
i don't listen to what others say about you. well, i listen, but in the end, its me that makes the decision. i do what i want. i don't let what others affect what i do anymore.

at least there's one more week left.<3

personal.

2009-06-05T20:46:00.000-07:00

call or text me.

bittersweet.

2009-06-03T18:19:00.000-07:00

got yearbook today.
i know summer's coming and school's ending.
i'm both happy and sad.

my birthday was great.
i love my friends<3
the show was fabulous.
it feels so good to do what i love.
and be able to show people what i can do.

i made troubadours again.
the list is waack. idk what is going on.
hopefully everything turns out okay.

it's really cold these days.
i need my summer sun.
where is my sunshine? :(

things you might not know about me.

2009-05-23T21:06:00.000-07:00

this is from my myspace blog. :]
but i added more to the list.
enjoy!

1. Yes, I do have an older brother.
2. I like things that are spicy.
3. Especially spicy chips.
4. I used to obsess over my grades.
5. When I was in 3rd grade to 5th grade, I would always get C's in math.
6. I also had like extremely ugly writing that was unable to be deciphered.
7. I get hurt when the people I care about act rude/inconsiderate towards me.
8. And then I don't say anything about it.
9. I can never fully open up to any single person.
10. My full name is Lany Teresa Dao.
11. I am a total gamer.
12. Games that have shooting involved in it are the ones I enjoy.
13. Total camera whore.
14. When someone asks me to sing to them, I most likely won't do it.
15. I usually sing out of nowhere.
16. I don't like listening to recordings of myself.
17. There are always a lot of things on my mind.
18. At night before I go to sleep is when I think the most.
19. I like to talk to people at night because that's when they're not doing anything. (most of the time.)
20. The longest time I have talked on the phone was 4 hours.
21. When I first got my cell phone, I accumulated over 100 hours in less than half a year.
22. My favorite flowers are daisies.
23. I used to live in Santa Ana until I was five years old.
24. I fractured my right arm when I was four.
25. How did it happen? I fell off my bike when I wasn't even moving and had training wheels.
26. I look foward to Thieu Nhi on Saturday every week. It's my saving day.
27. I have never had my own room.
28. Cherry coke is my favorite soda.
29. I happen to think Coke tastes better than Pepsi.
30. I lose some respect for those who drink/smoke/drug.
31. I have only begun to learn that I can't make people do anything.
32. Reading for leisure is something I do. :)
33. Harry Potters are the best books ever!
34. I have cried during a Pokemon episode.
35. It's the one where Pikachu leaves Ash! :(
36. I am deathly afraid of any bug that crawls/flies.
37. I have never been obviously sunburnt.
38. The scariest rollercoaster I have been on is Xccelerator.
39. People call me a prude.
40. And I agree. Haha.
41. I am supposedly the good friend who will drive her drunk friends home from a party in the future.
42. So I was actually done with this, but I was stupid enough to click the "back" button.
43. Yes, I still happen to like Pokemon!
44. I can't snap my fingers. :(
45. I learned how to whistle by watching Dora the Explorer.
46. Chocolate chip ice cream is my favorite!
47. The only show that I can never miss an episode of is America's Next Top Model.
48. I was at St. Barbara School for 9 years.
49. I also ended up being the Salutatorian.
50. I tend to procrastinate sometimes.
51. But I think I work better when I procrastinate.
52. For example, when we had two weeks to do our D.C. scrapbook, I left mine to the last four days.
53. I ended up pulling off a 108. :)
54. Some people may say that I am a perfectionist.
55. In group projects, I am normally the one who does the most work.
56. But that's only because I don't fully trust the others to do it right.
57. When I was in elementary, I was referred to as Lyna's or Lyan's sister.
58. When I got to middle school, my teachers would call me Lyna or Lyan.
59. The only good thing about that was I got candy everytime they didn't say my name correctly.
60. After today, my summer vacation will be officially over.
61. Boys who can sing are hot.
62. It's also hot if they can play a musical instrument. (preferably guitar or piano.)
63. And if they're athletic, it's a plus. :)
64. I got my first kiss on the cheek when I was three from a boy across the street named Mark.
65. I hit him after he did it.
66. I wonder what he looks like now.
67. Lame jokes are really funny.
68. But then again, I laugh really easily. Sometimes at nothing.
69. I don't get why people think it's funny to laugh at this number. It's stupid.
70. At age 12, I was exposed to all the dirty minded stuff and the bad words.
71. I have been singing ever since I was like... 5.
72. Maybe one day I'll get discovered. :)
73. My dream vacation to go to Orlando, Florida and spend all of my days at Disney World and Universal Studios.
74. I used to be afraid of Harry Potters when I was younger.
75. The cause of this was walking into the theater showing the first movie at the moment where Voldemort is sucking the unicorn's blood.
76. Cranium is the absolute best board game ever. :D
77. I am very loud for a small girl.
78. PE is my least favorite subject.
79. I hope to appear on Disney Channel one day.
80. Yes, I have failed a test before.
81. I got a 68 on my science test.
82. I have never gotten a detention in my whole life.
83. I have had to look back at this list to make sure I didn't repeat anything. Tehee.
84. I'm one of those freaks who like manga.
85. The only ones I have actually read are Fruits Basket, DN Angel, and Azumanga Daioh.
86. I am stubborn.
87. I love water games.
88. I am a full-fledged Thieu Nhi Geek.
89. My favorite color varies.
90. I'm the type of girl who likes to dress up when she can. :)
91. The longest I have ever had my hair was down to my chest.
92. And then I chopped it off all the way up to my neck.
93. I used to dislike tying up my hair very much.
94. Lately I've been doing it more often.
95. I am a scary person when you piss me off.
96. Disappoinment is something I fear from my parents.
97. The only makeup I actually wear is lipgloss.
98. When I was in Au Nhi, I performed a Christmas song on stage in front of everyone and stopped in the middle of it.
99. I know how to laugh at myself.
100. Apparently, I am a very difficult person to surprise.
101. It is sometimes hard for me to accept compliments.
102. I have dealt with way too many two-faced people in my life.
103. Some of my nicknames include: Toastie Waffles, Lonestar, and Boy.
104. I have never seen my hair with curls.
105. I used to wear my glasses all the time.
106. But I got contacts this year.
107. I hate the feeling when I can't help someone with their problems.
108. I tend to say sorry even though something's not my fault.
109. I can be very sarcastic.
110. My favorite video game is Paper Mario.
111. When I was five, I cut my own hair because I wanted to look like Sailor Mercury.
112. Although I have siblings, it sometimes gets lonely in the house.
113. I hate being disappointed.
114. It saddens me when someone breaks their promise.
115. My big pores bother me.
116. So do my blackheads.
117. I am afraid to begin driving.
118. The piano is a beautiful instrument, but I will never have the discipline to learn how to play it.
119. I took lessons when I was younger, but I never wanted to practice.
120. I have spent 4 hours at Barnes and Noble just reading.
121. Impressing people is something I like to do.
122. People who say that they are emo bother me.
123. Especially if they cut themselves.
124. I have little sympathy towards them.
125. Girls who dress provocatively should be thrown into a church.
126. I stick to my values and morals.
127. I managed to survive my first day of high school.
128. I have recently discovered that I can walk really fast in sandals.
129. My favorite band is Relient K. :)
130. Sometimes the sun is just too hot.
131. People say I look like my sisters.
132. I see no resemblence.
133. My first and only concert was an Nsync one.
134. It was when they were still coool.
135. I have acrophobia.
136. I don't want to do anything in the medical business.
137. I took a Vietnamese class for 6 years, although I don't think it did much except improve my writing.
138. I own a number of spelling bee awards.
139. Calvin and Hobbes is my absolute favorite comic ever.
140. My first CD that I owned was a Powerpuff Girl Soundtrack.
141. Don't poke me. I'm very ticklish.
142. People say I'm creative.
143. I don't hate writing essays.
144. They just come easily to me after a couple minutes of thought.
145. I always manage to misplace my glasses.
146. If I don't do something right away, I tend to forget about it sometimes.
147. After knowing people for some time, I can read them easily.
148. I get a warm feeling when I make someone smile.
149. I enjoy giving Christmas presents.
150. The reaction from the people I give gifts to make me smile.
151. I have this weird memory where I can remember people's houses and describe it in full detail.
152. Paris, Tokyo, Sydney, Rome, and Venice are one of the many places I want to visit before I die.
153. Breaking the law isn't something I like doing.
154. You will never see me cross the street when the light is red.
155. I would rather get yelled at by someone than disappoint them.
156. I get addicted to things very easily.
157. Another thing to do before I die-- visit every Disney theme park in the world.
158. I have never been able to keep up with writing in a diary after one day.
159. Yes, I am one of those abnormal people who are left handed.
160. I fear losing friendships that I value.
161. I hate the feeling I get when I'm not good enough for someone/thing.
162. I wonder how people can be so mean sometimes.
163. I have a problem with putting myself down.
164. I don't think I'm that pretty, despite what others say.
165. I have always been second best to my sisters because Iwas younger.
166. Sports aren't really my thing.
167. I had my braces on for 1 1/2 years, but it was realy supposed to be two years.
168. All four of my wisdom teeth have gone bye-bye.
169. I had ninja turtle bedsheets. :D
170. I dont always confront my problems.
171. Thunderstorms give me the jitters.
172. I would rather get run over than be yelled at by Lyna.
173. My family goes to Las Vegas at least 2 times a year.
174. I love camping.
175. My competitive streak can be nasty.
176. It's easy for me to be friends with people who can make me laugh.
177. I always have at least one stuffed animal on my bed.
178. I talk to them. :)
179. I often tell people I'm going to punch them in the face.
180. But apparently, it's just all talk.
181. I don't like being mad at people.
182. And I dont like it when people are mad at me.
183. I'm pretty artsy.
184. Curse of Monkey Island is the best game ever!
185. Everyone should read The Truth About Forever.
186. When people know me well, they know when I'm lying about if everything is okay.
187. It takes very little to make me happy.
188. The best way to win people's hearts is with a smile.
189. I always get a weird feeling in my tummy when something's wrong.
190. I used toplay Maplesory.
191. I only lasted up to level 25.
192. Bananas are probably the only fruit I don't really like.
193. Scrapbooking is one of those things I can do for hours.
194. It's very easy to win my heart.
195. My favorite Pooh Bear & Friends character is Piglet.
196. I used to think he was a girl because he's pink!
197. Songs with stupid lyrics annoy me.
198. My cellphone is still alive after the many times I've dropped it.
199. I prefer popsicles over ice cream.
200. I am finally yellow.
201. I am not a fake person.
202. I just don't say things that are really mean.
203. I will never understand why people are deliberately mean.
204. How do they live with themselves?
205. My very first choir concert ever was on October 26. :)
206. I am finally gaining more confidence in my own voice.
207. There are only so many things I keep to myself.
208. I dislike it when people only think of themselves.
209. I enjoy doodling.
210. My hometown is Santa Ana.
211. I have two houses.
212. Ghost stories freak the crap out of me.
213. I love people.
214. Meeting new people is so fun. Especially at DHNS! :)
215. I'm pretty outgoing, but I can be shy.
216. Obnoxious people piss me off.
217. FVHS Choir is the absolute best. :D
218. I work at Kumon.
219. Apparently, I look better with bangs.
220. I'm pretty restricted when it comes to going out.
221. I don't mind much because I still get to see my friends.
222. New school supplies are awesome.
223. I was on St. Barbara's Academic Decathlon Team for 2 years.
224. Last year, I placed 3 in the English category.
225. People say that it must be fun to be me.
226. I say that it's not as great as it's hyped up to be.
227. I really want to travel.
228. I like to feel safe.
229. After hearing Viking's story, I am now scared to cross the street.
230. I like thoughtful gifts. :)
231. The only dog I've ever actually played with is my uncle's dog, which is the cutest thing ever.
232. I happen to really like my boyfriend.
233. I like to wear ao dai. :] They're soo pretty!
234. I got a 4.2 the first semester of my freshman year.
235. I've been told I act older than my age.
236. I rarely watch TV now.
237. If anything, I only watch CW.
238. I laugh over the littlest things.
239. Somehow I manage to stay put together with all the things I deal with.
240. I really like the colors pink and yellow, but they're not my favorite colors.
241. One day I will donate my hair to cancer.
242. But first I have to grow it out and resist the urge to cut it.
243. Ken says that I'm the chinkiest asian around when I laugh.
244. At lunch, I sit under a tree.
245. I've only been to the zoo like... once.
246. My writing is supposedly like a computer.
247. All of my letters and words are spaced evenly and I write in between the lines.
248. Sixth period is probably my favorite part of the school day.
249. Pink, yellow, and orange daises are the prettiest.
250. I quit my job at Kumon.
251. This year, I wasn't all excited about counting my money I got for Tet.
252. I go up to Riverside to visit my grandparent's at least 3-5 times a year.
253. Heaven's Delight is delicious!
254. I like to eat vanillaa with strawberries and chocolate syrup and graham crackers!
255. I recently got a new comforter.
256. It's pink! <3
257. Despite that fact that I'm afraid of dogs, I coudn't help but cuddle with my uncle's shitsu.
258. I have a blue iPod video nano. :]
259. When I grow up, I want to furnish my house with all IKEA stuff.
260. I might play tennis next year!
261. White chocolate macadamia nut cookies are yummmmy!
262. I like to play Diner Dash and Cake Mania.
263. There are only so many people I have sung directly to.
264. Lyndon calls me Princess Daisy.
265. I got at 4.2 my first semester! :]
266. My first screen name was Babybluegirl527.
267. I got it when I was like.. 10.
268. I really like to bake.
269. Tati says my brownies are bombbb. :]
270. I used to be called "Laysian."
271. I"m not much of a going to the movies person.
272. I usually spend English class doodling.
273. Roger can always make me laugh just by looking at me.
274. The littlest things make me happy, such as a really fast moving cloud. :]
275. I call myself a dinosaur a lot.
276. A jigglypuff, too.
277. Ew, Eminem.
278. "Buy You a Drank" is probably one the dumbest songs I have ever heard.
279. I was student council secretary in seventh grade.
280. I appreciate life more than others do.
281. Even though I have a facebook, I don't really know how to use it.
282. It is very rare that my name will be pronounced correctly when you first read it not HEAR it.
283. I've gotten Lanny, Laney, La... etc.
284. I don't really mind, but it's pronounced LAH-NEE. TVYM.
285. I live in a two story house.
286. People dont' always understand why I do things.
287. I have my reasons.
288. I wish to have at least two kids.
289. I am a packrat.
290. I have read the whole Sweet Valley Twins and baby Sitter's Club series.
291. I am not shallow.
292. Don't listen to my friends when they call me a freak on the dance floor, please.
293. I eat a lot. Sometimes. Okay. Almost never.
294. I tend to bite my nails. Or the skin around my nails.
295. I used to be in love with gel pens.
296. I rarely blow dry my hair.
297. Although, I have been straightening it more lately.
298. When I went to SBS, I went to mass three times a week.
299. Now I only go twice a week.
300. I've been told I"m too nice.
301. I eat my Quaker Oats Cheddar Snack Mix in a specific order.
302. First it's pretzels, cheez-its, bagels, chex, and then cereal.
303. I have finally gone to Legoland, and it's not all that great.
304. I MADE TROUBADOURS. :]
305. I also got Most Improved Female Singer in Concert Choir my freshman year.
306. I hardly wear my glasses.
307. I'm one of those people who get excited about going to the library.
308. Yotsuba&! is hilarious.
309. I think I live vicariously through books like Gossip Girl and A-list.
310. I don't think I'm that great of a girlfriend or person in general.
311. School is finally out! :)
312. I feel uncomfortable around people I feel that are unapprochable.
313. I've taken a liking to baking.
314. Victoria's Secret PINK hoodies are my new obsession.
315. I plan on doing choir all four years of my high school education.
316. I twirl my hair and dart my eyes around when I'm nervous.
317. That makes me a horrible liar.
318. I enjoy looking through old photo albums.
319. I have a wooden box where I save all my birthday and christmas cards I receive.
320. You know those convereses, I got in the sixth grade? I still fit them.
321. Treat me with a Marie Callendar's strawberry pie.
322. I have watched all ten season of Friends at least three times.
323. Lately, I have insomia.
324. I finally went to the OC Fair for the first time this year.
325. I love going to HB Library And coming home with like 20 books to read.
326. When I give gifts, I put a lot of thought into them.
327. I'm trying to grow my hair out to be as long as my butt.
328. When I'm really upset I tend to talk a lot faster.
329. I'd rather not have people worry about me because I feel like a burden.
330. There's a lot more to me than you think.
331. One day, I want to have a nice picnic in a park with the red and white checkered blanket and all that good stuff. :)
332. If you need me to, I will listen.
333. I like wading/playing in the water, rather than swimming.
334. My feet are a size 7. :)
335. I seriously hate chemistry.
336. I learned how to curl my hair with a straightener!
337. My first birthday party EVER was my sweetsixteen at Buca De Beppo.
338. My comforter is pink!
339. I rarely get mad at people and actually do something about it.
340. People tell me I am too nice.
341. I think I might want teach Confirmation when I get older.
342. People in choir like to imitate me. "HI I'M LANY! LAlALALALLAalalA"
343. BOTH of my T-STRAP sandals have ripped becuase someone was trying to step on them while i was walking. "COUGH KEVIN LE VINCENT SNOW COUGH"
344. SPring 09 Choir Tour I went to Lousiana and Texas.
345. I've partied on a steamboat along the Mississippi River.
346. I ate alligator for the first time in Louisiana!
347. I have been to Catalina Island.
348. Because school takes up so much time, I haven't really been watching TV.
349. I occasionally make youtube videos.
350. fweelalany.
351. I have back dimples
352. I am currently single again.
353. I quit my job at Kumon last year becuase it got too busy with school.
354. Now I need a job again. :(

it's times

2009-05-21T19:57:00.000-07:00

like when i really need someone, is when i know who my real friends are.
they know something's up before i say anything.
they know when i'm lying about me being okay.
it's a great feeling, to know that there are people who will be there for me. these are the people that are worth my time, and my kindness. i don't even have to know them for a while (george!) and they'll be there to offer a comforting hug. its sweet knowing that there are still wonderful human beings in the world.
today was pretty bad, i must say. things have been pretty much doing down hill this whole week, but i'm really hoping things are going up soon.
auditions today were so bad, i was really disappointed in myself and i came out crying. i can do better. i am better than what i performed.
but luckily, i have friends like kevin who buy me ice cream to try to make me feel better<3

i am in love with gentlemen don't, by gabe bondoc. that song seriously makes me melt. i love the piano cover by aj rafael. if some boy played that for me, i would fall in love. :) well, not really. but i would smile the whole way through.
mmmm. gabe gabe gabe.

lookuplookuplookupthinkup.
things will hopefully get better.
shitty week, but oh well.

pray. love. god.<3

you've got a friend in me

2009-05-20T18:48:00.000-07:00

we'll see how long that holds out for.

dinner party friday<3
20ish people going, which is great!
a night with my friends!

busy freakin week next week.
choir choir choir after school every day until 10.

auditions today.
were okay. kinda sucky, but whatever.

i freaking hate chemistry.
i do NOT know how to do anything.
makes me sad! :(

ONE MORE WEEK.<3

Where did my heart go missing

2009-05-18T23:32:00.000-07:00

I've been trying to reach you but it's as if you don't want me near you anymore. I'm trying hard to understand your side but it amazes me how you can throw everything away so quickly. I would be lying if I said I wasn't happy because I am. Life has been good for me, even though you aren't a part of it anymore. Yes I do miss you but that doesn't really do much. It's your decision to be distanced and soon one day you will forget me. Whatever I had to offer wasn't enough to satisfy you and I'm sorry. I am not going to stop my life for your happiness. Not anymore. There's no more point in calling or trying because all my attempts are futile . You won't be able to hear the things that you've been waitig so long to come out of mouth. Your point came across rather clearly that you don't want anything to do with me and I'm fine. Because if anyone, it's going to be you that missed your chance.

walking on sunshine.

2009-05-14T20:39:00.000-07:00

i am happy happy happy. life is going good for me.
APexams are over, and i don't have to worry about them anymore.
Life is getting much easier, so its good.
My party dress came yesterday! It's so cute.
Today is my mommy's birthday and katie's birthday.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY to BOTH<3

I haven't really blogged lately.
I feel weird posting things of substance.
But these days have been getting much brighter.

I love my school friends.
I love choir.
I love life.

MAY 22 -- PARTY, please RSVP by WEDNESDAY .
MAY 29/30 -- CHOIR BROADWAY SHOW. please come<3 7:30 tickets on sale MAY 26th!

happy may. :)

2009-05-01T21:13:00.000-07:00

good start off to this month of may.
jessica and vyvian's birthday. i really wanted to make jessica feel special today.
i love that girl so so so much. :)
sign, balloons, cake, and princess crown.<3

huong's birthday tomorrow. she is my best friend.
did you know? she has been my best friend for like. 4309582039824 years. :)

may.
birthday dinner.
broadway show.
mommy's day.
mommy's birthday.
brother's birthday.
ryan's birthday.
thang's birthday.

am i missing anything?

loveloveLOVE.

dance rehearsal from 8 - 12.
hopefully i can pull this tap dancing off. and swing dancing.
i love to dance though.
i don't think i'll ever get tired of it.

APtesting this friday, and its all over. i'll be able to relax and chill chill chill. :)

summer is coming = beaches.

i don't like you anymore.

2009-04-26T19:50:00.000-07:00

i am not sure anymore.
i wish i could be sure.
but i don't know anything.
this feeling is scary.

i need a hug.

2009-04-22T20:18:00.000-07:00

i've lost all my words.

i tried to be chill but you're so hot that i melted.

2009-04-21T18:42:00.000-07:00

this weather.
is hot.
i'm not sure if i like it.

lalala. i am scared. to do things.
cos i'm afraid of the outcome.
but i might regret it if i dont.

its weird how things feel so natural.
like i just fit into your arms.
its easy. it makes sense.
but i don't want it.

hmm, i'm thinking about ASB next year....
we'll see.

i neeed

2009-04-14T22:46:00.001-07:00

to calm down.
to get it together.
to chill.

busy busy busy.

the heart.

2009-04-10T21:45:00.000-07:00

is where my home is. it feels fabulous to be back in sunny california, where the majority of my friends and family are. texas and louisiana was pretty bomb though, i must say. winning all those trophies were so worth it, and bonding with so many people made it much more enjoyable. i think i needed that week away from the world. it gave me a better outlook on life, seeing all the nature that surrounds the city of natcitoches. We don't really get that kind of scenery around here in the OC, and it brought some serenity into my mind.
i love choir kids though.
love love love.

i find myself feeling overshadowed, like i'm not really good enough. i know there's always going to be someone better, but i really wish i could be the best. or at least be loved at what is my best. as much as i think about quitting troubadours next year, i honestly don't think i ever could. i love singing too much, its my passion and drive. despite the bursts of anger i get from zero and third everyday, it's what makes me happy. i may never be the best in the choir, or even close to the top, but it would be nice to be recognized once in a while. maybe its ridiculous of me to think this way, but i think thats how most people feel. its as if i don't really have a place there, and my absence wouldn't make much of a difference. my voice might not be of an angel or some nightingale, but its mine.

these mixed signals are rather odd, but i'm glad i have friends to work me through them. they say you're afraid, but i am too.

i find myself straying away from God. i need to somehow find my way back. i hope that getting confirmed next saturday will help me.

why do i find myself missing you, of all people?

lost

2009-03-31T18:28:00.000-07:00

camp was really fun. i was with huong and david vu. :) teammm domination! sorta. hahaha it was better than i thought it was going to be, considering how i didn'tlook foward to it. camp was actually good for me, helped me get away from reality a little bit. it went by rather quickly, and i'm glad to be back.

i did lose my voice, and i talk like a man. its really disgusting. i'm dying of a cough right now and hopefully i can sing tomorrow for golden state. i'm not going to be conceited and be like oh they need me to sing, but i am a part of the choir so i'm hoping it'll be better with me singing? i haven't sung for the past two days in choir, and my ears have listened a lot more.
my packing still has not begun for louisiana/texas tour, and i really need to get on it. we got our itineraries today, and there's so many things on the list that i'm excited for! :) tell me if you want a souvenir and i'll try to get you something special. teheeee.

i haven't approached this subject for a while. maybe its because i'm done with it? honestly, i don't think i am, but at the same time, things feel different. there is still a part of me that hopes for a little something, but i know in the back of my heart there's nothing there and probably wont ever be. i take each day as it comes, every little thing you do, and every feeling you give me. i've gotten used to you. i need to ignore whatever my heart says. i'm supposed to be over this and have moved on. i think i have.
but you don't make me bitter. in fact, its the exact opposite. you make me smile. its rather ridiculous of me to feel this way. i'm too nice, i guess, and i'm a sucker for those who are sweet. but this time i really am a sucker. becuase i fell for everything. everything you did or said. now that i think about it, at the time, it felt warm, but now its like all those things were just empty. i've never met a person quite like you, and i'm pretty sure i'll meet plenty more. the ones that just do things for the fun of it, and don't really care. the ones that bait and release. i honestly do not want to believe that thats the kind of person you are. i'm waiting for you to prove it to me. but for now, i choose to not dump my onesided "feelings" onto you.

i can't wait to be gone.

camping trip.

2009-03-27T16:13:00.000-07:00

i'm at camp this weekend which i'm not too excited for.
hopefully it will turn out fun.
i have to do all my homework on Sunday, which I know I'll be too tired for.
two days of school next week.
and then louisiana.
joyjoyjoy.
too busy.

text me at camp okay? :)
byeee! <3

brace yourself.

2009-03-22T10:46:00.000-07:00

right now, i feel like i need to get away from everyone, everything. i don't know why things are this hard. they shouldn't be. i'm sorry i don't fit into this perfect "lany" mold that you have for me. i am human. i err. i make mistakes. if you were my friend, you wouldn't yell at me for them and you wouldn't get all up on my ass about them. don't you dare go all preacher on me when you do the exact same thing in even more amounts than i do.
the thing is, i don't even feel myself anymore. i tried to do something to make myself happy, and i tried to do something to make him happy, but in the end, i always get bit in the ass about it. i'm the one that's call selfish and the one that's called a bitch. i feel so out of place right now, like so many people are upset with me because i've done one thing wrong. and its ridiculous because i thought it would be good for me. i'm supposed to be happy, and i'm supposed to feel free. instead, i feel judged and shamed like i'm some sort of felon.
what is this? what are these emotions running through me? i'm not sure of anything anymore. i need some sort of sign. i need God to guide me. i need my real friends to take care of me. but i want to be independent. i want to take care of myself. i don't want to rely so much on others. i'm trying so hard to do everything i can to be the person you want me to be, but it would be a lot easier if you would just accept me for who i am. stop passing judgement, stop acting like you do everything right in the world.
i'm sorry.
i need to pray. i need to smile. i need to feel happy. i need to get away.
BUT.
i am rather thankful for those who do understand, who don't judge me, and who do help me become a better person. <3

real.

2009-03-21T07:57:00.000-07:00

gender wars assembly, was alright. singing was :) it's a different feeling once i'm up there in front of everyone. before it began, i was super super nervous. i'm always afraid of messing up or not sounding great. but, i'm glad everything turned out the way it was planned.

i was in such a good mood by the end of the day.
it's funny how just one person can do that to you.

i smiled a real smile yesterday. i was truly happy yesterday.

i realized that i'm scared of getting hurt, but then again, who isn't? my fear keeps me from taking risks and chances that i feel i'll regret later on. but i don't want to make any rash decisions before i really know what's going on. when things aren't right, my mind goes into overdrive. people tell me i should be careful or forget, but somehow i can't. i'm trying to be cautious and wary, but in the end, it's not like i have anything to lose anymore.

it doesn't work if you do it to every other girl,
but then again, maybe i am just another girl.

i really love to...

2009-03-19T19:43:00.000-07:00

sing. there is probably no other pasttime in the whole world that i will come across that will make me as happy as singing does. when i know i'm making beautiful music, whether its by myself or with others, i get this sense of accomplishment and pride. singing calms me down and rids me of all my other emotions. it doesn't matter whether i'm angry or sad, my voice lets everything out. everything is always better when i express it. lately i've been relying on the piano to help me with my emotions. something about letting my fingers run across keys allows me to become serene. i wish i still took my lessons, but i'm slowly learning to play with sheet music in front of me. :) i love playing when no ones' home. i get to sing as loud as i want with as much feeling as i choose. it's different when people are home, or people are watching me because i feel very insecure about how i sound.

today was normal, i guess. it wasn't any different from the days i've been having. this morning i woke up in a good mood, but after my 0 period sectional, it kind of just went downhill. things are looking up though, i need to work harder to achieve my goals. i'm doing the best i can, but the best i can is not often what people want from me. i'm trying to be who you want me to be, but i'm trying to be myself at the same time.
ruth's house was pretty fun. i love jordan and alexxx. :) the four of us sound pretty good, so i'm a teensy weensy bit excited about gender wars assembly tomorrow. its the best we could scrounge up at last minute. pahaha!
I LOVE COLBIE! SHE IS SUCH A CUTIE<3

yes, i'm still lost. i need to find my way back and figure things out. right now i'm not entirely sure. things are weird when i'm not talking to you, and i know you miss me, but you'll get used to the lack of my presence. it's hard for me to say that i don't feel the same way you do, but its true.
there's a whole different feeling now, and i'm not entirely sure what it is. it makes me a little bit scared. i've never been on this end before, but now everything's out and i can't take anything back. do i really want to take it back though? it's how i truly feel or see things, so honesty is better than nothing. sometimes i wish i could start it all over and make better decisions, but i can't. i'll live with what i've got, with the decisions i've made.

i guess sometimes things are better left unsaid.
because right now, i can't get you out of my head.

frogs in my throat.

2009-03-18T19:05:00.000-07:00

CAHSEE for the past two days was seriously so ridiculous easy and boring. i tried to stall for time so i wouldn't have to go to my second period class. thank goodness. i'm glad its over with. the reading portion was really easy. math was easy too but looking at all those numbers is really overwhelming and give me a headache. numbers was never my strong suit though so its understandable.

today was an improvement from most days. yeah i'm still confused, but i've decided to just let what happens happens. i don't lose anything, it'll just be your loss. i'm like stuck between two different "things" and i don't want to pick either right now. picking one will make me feel guilty, picking another will just be stupid. so i got with none. makes sense right?

for some reason the weather was hot. today. i dont know why. yesterday was cold and i wore a sweater today becuaes i thought it was going to be cold and then BOOM its hot. -_- oh well. tehee.

choir is frustrating me. esp concert choir. i honestly feel like i'm the only one singing sometimes. or at least singing it right. i miss my buddy who i can sing in tune with and make pretty sounds together. THATS YOU RUTH! :)
golden state and tour in two weeks. i'm really really nervous but also really really excited.

augh. my voice is totally shot. there is like phlegm or whatever in it. i hate being sick. it makes me sound no good at all. :(

i smiled today.
it was becuase of you.

i am ...

2009-03-16T18:01:00.000-07:00

angry that i believed everything you said to me. i am angry i didn't see right through your stupid little game. i'm angry that i feel used and like a replacement. i'm angry that i liked you. i'm angry that i missed you.

this will NOT make me become cynical.
it will NOT. i will NOT stand for it.

i am too nice.

now i know.

2009-03-15T11:22:00.001-07:00

you didn't have to tell me.
doesn't matter what your signals say.
i know the answer already.

there's a first for everything.
i need a good cry.
or a hug.

you don't even know.

2009-03-13T18:03:00.000-07:00

this morning i woke up with a smile on my face.
i ended school with a sad face.

my body is rather sore lately.
i can't focus in school these days.
there are too many unanswered questions.

but only you can give me the answers.

thankyou for...

2009-03-12T20:49:00.001-07:00

making me smile.
making me laugh.
making me feel special.
making me feel important.
giving me strength.
supporting me.
giving me a shoulder to cry on.
worrying about me.
bringing me joy.
bringing me flowers.
bringing me food.
protecting me.
saving me.
loving me.

you...

2009-03-10T19:13:00.000-07:00

don't even know how much i miss you right now.
don't even know how much i despise you right now.
don't even know how much i'm hurting right now.
don't even know how much i want to punch you right now.
don't even know how much i just want you to hold my hand.
don't even know how much i want you to hug me.
don't even know how scared i am.
don't even know the stress you put me through.
don't even know how many tears i've cried over you.
don't even know how angry i am at myself.
don't even know how terrible i feel.
don't even know what you're doing my heart.

P.S. i need to buy a new eraser.

heart&mind.

2009-03-09T16:59:00.001-07:00

one gets bruised.
one gets broken.

too early.

2009-03-07T06:12:00.000-08:00

i'm up early this morning, even though its a satuday. -_-
well, prom dress event at FIDM today!
i'm pretty excited.
last night was the FNL Talent Show!
Mitchell was tehre, and I really enjoyed seeing him :)
he made the whole thing so much more enjoyable.
kevin and jordann!<3333
they should have won, no matter what.
so much better than "real intentions."
but i have to say, that band was pretty good.
:)
fun night out with vyvian and etc.

"we would pass by each other, neither one of us willing to make the first step. our eyes locked on each other, as we danced around seeing who would give into their feelings first. maybe they were there, or maybe it was just my imagination. but for me, i felt it. i felt the feeling that wouldn't let you get out of my head, not even for a second. your smile, your presence, made every day worth it. did you feel the same way? i would never know. but all i do know is, in the end, we met each other half way."

finding my way back.

2009-03-05T18:16:00.000-08:00

the retreat was amazing. whatever i lost of my faith, i think i regained it there. i met so many amazing new people, and its hard to believe that i was so reluctant to attend before.
team kindness.<3

my days at school are becoming better.
i have someonething to look forward to each day.
which is great. because it keeps me happy.
and motivated.
i'm getting it together.
all i needed was a push.

:)

2009-02-26T19:02:00.000-08:00

every little touch and smile
you make my days so worthwhile.

i can't

2009-02-19T21:19:00.000-08:00

do this anymore.
school.
family.
boyfriend.
choir.

i feel like quitting everything.

i need to feel worth something.
i need to feel worth somebody's time.
i need to feel like i'm good.
i need to feel like i'm perfect the way i am.

mediocre.

2009-02-15T12:41:00.000-08:00

i stand alone in the dark
waiting for something, anything
hoping for someone, something
i see some light up ahead
i reach out,
and its almost in my hands
once grasped, i won't let it go
is this what i need?
is this what i'm looking for?

here it is, within my reach
here it is, i've got it now
maybe this is the remedy
maybe this will save me

mediocre. is what this is.

ty for those daisies.
they're beautiful.
<3 whoever you are.

sometimes i wonder...

2009-02-08T19:04:00.000-08:00

what is special about me?
idk.
i feel pretty plain jane lately.
everyone i know can do something so great.
and do it well.
i feel average next to other poeple.
yeah, i can sing.
so what.
i can't compose songs.
and i can barely play the piano.
i need to find some sort of calling.
i dont know what it is, but something that makes me unique.
right now, i'm pretty content with everything i have.
but get tired of being the same girl everyone expects me to be.
i'm going to surprise you.
one day.
i will.
you'll see.

idontcare...

2009-02-03T20:06:00.000-08:00

yes i do.
but i have to pretend that i don't.
because it makes you happy.
becuase that's what i'm supposed to do.
give.
i don't want to take as much.
i don't want to seem selfish.
i'm trying to be the girl you love.
if that person really is me.
i'm afraid if i express my true feelings,
you'll walk away in frustration.
"you're just like every other girl."
i don't want you to think that i see myself as a princess.
being selfless is hard.
this one thing just happens to be special to me.
but if you hate it that much,
i'll go on pretending i hate it too.

but i dont.

hard to believe.

2009-01-30T22:11:00.000-08:00

yeah. quartets were no good today.
i seriously felt like i was going to BLOW UP.
right ruth? you saw me!
GOD.
STOP relying on other people.
STOP thinking that singing is easy.
STOP texting in class while we're singing.
STOP taking this class as a joke.
STOP bringing all the people who work down.
STOP. STOP. STOP. STOP. STOP. STOP.

please?

PLUS.
you are a TROUBADOUR.
HOW DO YOU NOT KNOW YOUR PART BY NOW?!

gah.
i need some yogurt.

is anybody listening?

2009-01-29T18:54:00.001-08:00

I really do not enjoy having sectionals in choir. They are pointless and useless because no one ever really listens. We don't really ever accomplish anything, especially in Concert Choir. Most of the time in Troubadours we do, but in CC, most of the members don't care enough to pay attention. It makes me really upset becuase tomorrow when we have octets/quartets, they will complain about how Tison picks on them and how its such a drag. Personally, I like doing quartets and think they're fun becuase I get to show off whthat I know. And if the others also knew their part, then it wouldn't be such a death senence to them.
Today, I brought something up with Jackie to Mr. TIson about how there were some people not knowing their parts as well as they should. Normally I would just keep it to myself, but it was really eating at me. We've had these songs for about a month now, so shouldn't we know most of it? Most of the time I feel like I'm singing by myself and the only one that is actually attempting at singing our part. Just becuase you don't know it entirely doesn't mean you stop singing. Keep singing and make the mistake. That's how I learn, from my own mistakes. Quartets in Troubadours tomorrow, I'm pretty prepared for it, but I plan to go over my music later.

I woke up an hour late from my nap today. So now everything is pushed back.
I need to finished my homework, I have tons.
Feels good when everything is all done and put away though.
:)

BTW RUTH! I prayed that you would pass your driving test!

island.

2009-01-26T19:19:00.000-08:00

catalina was a blast.
there are too many things to say about it.
so if you want to know. :)
call me.
teheheheheeeee.

troubadours<3

scantrons.

2009-01-22T18:48:00.000-08:00

finals week is basically over for me. all i have is a vocabulary final tomorrow, which should be pretty easy.
i'm really hoping for straight A's, but APEURO and chem are really bringing me down.
These finals are so long. I get so bored filling in 100 bubbles on my scantrons. There are times when I'll just lose concentration and stare into space.
I'm so glad catalina is right after finals tomorrow.
I need to relax.

frog prince.

2009-01-18T11:29:00.000-08:00

last night was really overwhelming.
yelling
screaming.
speeding.
but, in the end, i'm glad everything worked out okay.
i don't want to lose you.
and i know well enough to understand.
my emotions tend to get the better of me.
i'm glad everything worked out okay.
<3

finals weeek.
studying my ass off.
augh.
catalinaaaa.
i can't wait to get my ass out there and sing sing sing.

i fail....

2009-01-12T17:32:00.000-08:00

at life.

i fail.
i fail
i am so so so sad.

busybusybusy.

2009-01-11T12:32:00.000-08:00

Finals are coming up, and I know I should be studying now, but I know that I'm not going to until like two days before.
So far I've fallen asleep in my geometry class twice, which is horrible. I feel so bored in my class though. I don't really bother talking to a lot of people because I don't have time to. Paying attention is what's going to keep me from getting a B in this class. Gah.
Friday in Troubs we had to sing quartets for A Lover and a Lass, and I think I did okay, considering how I didn't practice it the night before. The music for Troubadours is so hard, I hope I can hold my own weight. Lunch, Tiffany and I went to the Rock the Runway meeting for Hurley, and I want to be a model, but i'm not sure if I can. Tiff's going to style my hair. :) Yeee. I walked in and there were so many pretty girls I felt ugly! This coming Thursday is audtions, so I hope I'll do fine. The whole day I was really just looking forward to the day being over so I could see a certain frog. The five of us went to BC and then to snorlax's house. His bed is super super comfortable. I wanted to fall asleep on it. Stayed there until seven and went to choir. I was so so so tired I feel asleeep on Jessica's lap. When I got home I went to sleep right away. The week made me so so tired, and now its almost over! :(
Thieu Nhi resumed yesterday, and we played... err.. idk. I dont know what the game was called but it was pretty scary. Everyone was on the floor grabbing each other. Haah. We are an aggressive group. :) Yesterday was also my fourteen monhts with my froggy<3 Yay. I finished rereading Breaking Dawn yesterday. I still hate Bella. :)
I have not done any of my homework yet, which would be study for APEURO, read To Kill a Mockingbird, and my chemistry lab. Oh well, I'll do it later tonight after mass.
My face is still ugly. :( My pimple is not gone yet. Even though I've drinken lots of water and eaten fruits. Gah, I hate it. I hate it. Stupid Steven had to point it out to everyone. He is honestly the only one rude enough to say that. Every other boy was FINE and kept it to themselves. Goodness.
Idk, sometimes I wish I could just move to a different church with different people. Not that I dont love the one I"m at already, its just that I feel so judged and everyone expects me to be a certain way, and when I do something that is "out of the ordinary" people pass judgements as if they're saints. I'm not perfect, and you can't expect me to be someone you imagine me to be. Take me as I am, and accept it.
I practice music yesterday. My voice is al;dkfjas;dlkhfadlgjkahdlkfjasasa.
a;lsdkgjasdfas

i am this close to despising it.

so it ends.

2009-01-04T16:11:00.000-08:00

the last day of break, and of course i procrastinated on my homework until the end.
good thing i'm almost done.
i'm going to have to get back into my zero period sleeping pattern. i've been staying up very late this winter.
yesterday i made a video, and posted it on youtube.
gah.

jason tells me i should write lyrics.
gah.
no good.

winterrr.

2008-12-30T21:16:00.000-08:00

i haven't blogged in a while.
so here goes! ^^

i think i had a pretty good christmas. i got what i wanted.
:)
A PINK DIGITAL CAMERA.
AHHHHH.
i know i sound really materialistic, but i have seriously wanted one since the seventh grade! :) i woke up christmas eve morning and before i left for church there was a package outside waiting for me and inside it was a cameraaaaa :) yayayay. thankyou so much stev, daniel, thang, jason. i love you boys so so much. <3
i went to vegas the day after christmas and we stayed at luxor. that hotel SUCKS. there is seriously so much walking just to get to the damn elevator. and they gave out like old towels too! not nice fluffly white ones, but yellow ones. ewwewew right?i had a good time despite the horrible service. my brother helped me learn how to play blackjack and it was sooo funn. :) i had a lot of poker chips ! yayay. we also ate at this buffet in the orleans hotel. i don't really like buffets though. i honestly do not eat my money's worth, and people at buffets are really greedy! i will be waiting to get a little bit of shrimp and there is this man who like scoops a plateful of shrimp! seriously. bowling aftewards. i SUCK. :) then yesman. that movie is the cutest thing ever. and i really liked that girl's coat. i also went shopping in vegas, bought like 70 dollars worth of stuff at forever21. :) yeaaa. and i got a giraffe from this horse racing game! yayayay.
i went bowling yesterday with henry and vince and caressa. we played three games and we suckkkkk like crazy. but it was so so funn. i had a good time catching up with caressa. i hadn't seen her since like summer. there was a st. barbara reunion dinner that night, but i honestly didn't really feel like going. a lot of them have changed and i dont even talk to most of the people i used to go to school with. i'm sure it would have been fine and all, but i would have rather been bowling with those three . :)

TB shot tomorrow.
woohoooooo.

i have to start on my homework
hahaha.

are you kidding me.

2008-12-07T02:27:00.000-08:00

it is TWO in the morning.
i had a LONG day.
up since 7:45 and didnt get home until 7:30.
12 hours of moving from one place to another.
i am TIRED.
but people like to wake me up.

and now i am pissed off.
and crying.

what the heck.
all i want to do is sleep.
but i cant.
my body + mind are too worked up.
there are too many thoughts in my mind.
the memory of you yelling at me is still there.

-sighs-

chemistry.

2008-12-04T19:19:00.000-08:00

oh how i deplore you. and your stupid chemical bonding and atoms and polar or nonpolar and hybridization and stupid periodic table and formulas that i'm sure i wont even use when i become a nurse. this is useless, i think. and my barely than able so called chemistry teacher doesn't make it any easier to understand. no. instead of teaching he has us watch a video. he gives us worksheets and doesn't even explain the answers. his homework doesn't even correspond to the lesson he taught that day. thanks for confusing me. the only thing you probably can do is make stupid jokes that no one even laughs at. how am i supposed to understand something if you don't teach it? and its not just me, its everyone else too. you can't just assume we know what you're talking about.

plus, your lab stations are so dirty!
department of sanitation please!

ugh.
i have a chemistry test tomorrow. as much as i study, i'm pretty sure i wont be prepared for whatever is on it.

i am so stressed these days, and this month is so busy i am probably going to explode. with all the troubadour gigs and club events and the upcoming holiday concert, it feels like everything is just weighing me down. not to mention the homework that gets piled on top of me each day from my teachers as if i don't have anything better to do.
i'm not even doing well. i'm getting B's on my english essays, which totally disappoints me. i don't know how to improve my essays. i proof them and have other people proof them and they still aren't good enough. gahhh, its depressing. maybe i'm just not that great of a writer.

i feel a crying jag coming on.

back to my attempt at studying.

black friday.

2008-11-28T13:14:00.000-08:00

slept at 2 AM.
woke up at 4 AM.
waited in line for forever 21.
so not worth it.
all i got was a stupid tote bag.
at least its cute.
sort of.
ran into alex and thang.
and etc.
got jeans.
denny's with lyan and diane.
got home around 8 AM.
slept until 12.

sucked this yearrrr.

thanksgiving i baked cookies with sheila :) i like her.
except i burned my hand. :(
you can see the mark and everything.
:(

christmas is coming!
yay!

i love to buy presents. <3

remember.

2008-11-25T14:11:00.000-08:00

Thank you very much for being such a great friend last night. I think I was having the biggest meltdown ever, but you calmed me and helped me take my mind off of things. Sorry if I freaked you out or anything, but I just needed someone to talk to. Gah, you were right I think everything is okay now, but I'm not sure. Like I still feel weird, but maybe I'm just thinking too much. I could try your method you mentioned, but what if it doesn't work? Maybe its time to let go? I know I don't want to though. There are things that won't let me as much as everyone else says its time to. Thanks for keeping my head straight. :)
---
So yesterday I was at my grandma's house in Riverside, which was fine. I went to go watch Twilight with my mom, and to my surprise, I actually enjoyed it more than I thought I would. :] Jacob is so cute! Ahh! Scary though, hahah. My mom did not understand it at ALL, but she like fell asleep through half of it. Friends marathon when I got back to the house and then bed. It was nice to see my grandparents again. ^^ Left this morning at like 10 ish? and got home around 11.
Lyna comes home tonight, which I am so happy for! :) I missed her a lot! Yay.
I have a lot of homework I still need to catch up on, but I feel too lazy to. Oh wells.

I was looking through some old pictures. Its hard to believe it was only a year ago though.

happy birthday to you<3>

melodic.

2008-11-18T20:56:00.000-08:00

I wish I could be a much better singer. I always feel like I'm slipping or I could have done a better job on a quartet assignment. People tell me I'm good, but I dont feel it. I never took voice lessons or anything when I was younger, I just sang. In church and school choir, we didn't have any warm ups or voice lessons. All we had to kedo was learn the song we were given. There weren't any parts, just the melody. I was fortunate enough to take voice lessons last year, and I guess that made me a better musician. Yet I still don't feel the confidence in my own ability that I should have. In Troubadours, I'm surrounded by people who have such amazing talents and ablities, I tend to feel inferior. I wish I could be just as great. I wish I could be amazing. I wish it could be one of those things that just came so easily to me.

At least I have a voice.
Thanks God.

smokey.

2008-11-16T09:48:00.002-08:00

these fires make the sky look really ugly.
one side is black, one side is blue.
:(
it makes me sad and scared.
and now the air is like gross.
i pray everyone is safe.<3

only we can prevent forest fires!

heavy heart.

2008-11-07T23:57:00.000-08:00

so, guess what. troubadours didn't go to biola. even though tison was doubtful this whole week, i honestly thought that we were going to go. "troubadours will not be going to biola today." are you freaking kidding me?! i worked towards this festival, and i don't even get to perform in it. when i made concert choir last year, i worked my ass off to make it into troubs, surprised that i even made it into concert. and when i DID make it, i was so excited and proud to be one. but now, i have to say that i'm a little disappointed and didn't fell at all proud today. i was completely and utterly embarassed. the experience of going to all my classes today, and not having any of my homework done because i thought we were going was excruciating. "we didn't go today because mr. tison felt we weren't ready." GAH. it was just like lakjdf;alksj to say that to my teachers. i freaking work so damn hard for troubadours and it pisses the crap out of me to see others just relaxing in class. THATS NOT WHAT IT IS. It'S WORK. WORK WORK WORK. and if you can't handle it, don't be IN it. its so ridiculous how some people dont even know their music when we've been practicing the songs for like two weeks. i want to shake some people and be like GET IT TOGETHER! please? if not for yourself, for the rest of the group? my FIRST festival as a troubadour and i don't even get to go to it. and the seniors! it's their year! come ON. gah, i think tison weeding out the people second semester is a good idea, but i hope it isn't me. whenever he lectures us, i always wonder if its me that's doing something wrong! and i honestly hope it isn't, because i actually look at my music, and when he refers to the altos and says that NONE of us did, its just like HELLOOOO. AUGH. idk.

on top of that, apparently i'm this materialistic freak who expects people to buy her gifts just because she got them one. NO. that's now how i work, and i am disgusted by the fact that people would make such judgement because of one day. don't talk about me as if you know me, and don't say ooh you know its lany she'll want something. becuase i dont expect anything from anyone. i give gifts because i like the feeling it gives me. gah. just DONT.

another day, another quarrel.
we lost to edison.
gah.

i hate going to sleep with a heavy heart.

dizzy.

2008-10-29T17:30:00.000-07:00

eh, today wasn't that great.
i barely got any sleep last night.
and i probably won't be getting much sleep.
not as long as i keep thinking about.

i was pretty much the walking dead today.
everyone said i was unusually quiet, so idk.
i had an extremely big headache that wouldn't go away.
luckily i found some tylenol in my purse.
it didn't help much though.

i'm about done with my homework, only with chem and apeuro left to do.
i finally got my A in math that i wanted.
i still have a B in chem and english.
whatever.
i'm starting to care less about things.

i think it's your turn to choose
your turn to decide
which road you want to take
with or without me.
i'm tired of these games,
i need to know.
i need to know.
before this breaks.

let go.

2008-10-19T19:51:00.001-07:00

my heart is not a toy.

so why do you keep playing with it?

up and then down.

2008-10-18T22:11:00.001-07:00

there is something wrong with me lately, i dont know what it is though.
i keep feeling sad and then happy and then sad and then happy.

what is up with me?
gahhh.
i need a friend.<3

year of dreams.

2008-10-13T21:56:00.000-07:00

So I finished reading this book called Footfree and Fancyloose. These girls in this book have a Year of Dreams, in which they take a year to do what they want to do. Three of them defer college, and set out to become authors, actresses, or help out the Ethiopians. This book really makes me think about what my dreams are, and would I actually be willing to give up a year of college just to follow a dream that might not even come true? It would be my dream to become a famous music artist, but I honestly dont see that happening any time soon. In my future, I see a stable job, something that will benefit me and others in some way. It's nice to think about the life I could have, but I don't think I'd be able to do what those girls did. It's just so inspirational becuase all of them achieved what they set out to do.

Lyna was home this weekend, it was so comfortable having her back in the house. I'm happy I got to spend time with her. She's very very silly. I miss her jumbles now that she's gone. I wont be able to see her until Christmas. Pooh.

Today was so windy! I woke up and it was all WHOOSH. I hate fall. I hate windy days. My lips get chapped, my skin gets dry, and my hair gets all staticky. I feel like I'm going to blow away! Hurry up fall! Come winter, then spring. I love spring!

I got an 85 on my math test. Disgusting. My grade didnt move at ALL. It still remains an 88. AND the quarter ends in two weeks. I better ace my quizzes.

It's late, I should probably go to sleep soon, so I will. :)
Goodnight all.

relax.

2008-10-09T21:35:00.000-07:00

i need to do that.

school makes it pretty hard though. this past week has been really long, and quite stressful. i had a chemistry test, spanish test, and geometry quiz wednesday. i'm spanish was muy facil, and i think i did okay on chemistry. i spent tuesday night reviewing the conversions for moles and whatnot. geometry i thought i did horribly wrong, but i only missed three, so i'm actually very happy about my 88. :)

tomorrow i have an apeuro and geometry test. i went to the library to study after school today, but i didn't get as much done as i wanted to. it closes at 6! -_- and everyone is always walking back and forth, so its hard for me to keep my focus.

before the library i stayed after school to help with the FVMSS program, and there are so many altos. it's seriously two full rows of just altos. two LONG rows. they're pretty cute and can sing pretty well. huy says i can fit right in with them, but i dont think so!

i should be studying right now, but i'm not. i've pretty much been studying all day, so i'm quite tired. probably going to hit the hay a litttle earlier than usual. i still need to read mythology and finish studying aperuo. and review my music for tomorrow. memorized! gahh. i pray i don't screw up, i always get nervous and shaky for quartets.

tomorrow is the end of a long week.
lyna is gonig to be home for the weekend. :)
i'm so excited! i miss her so so much.
its different without her around, but i've found ways to adjust.
going through high school without her here is at times difficult.
there are situations where i want to ask her for help,
but the distance makes it hard, so i tend not to.
i'm learning to depend on myself more.
which is good, right?

eleven months tomorrow. <3

eh.

2008-10-03T20:48:00.000-07:00

i think i'm going to stop blogging for a while.
everything i have to say, i either forget or i've already let it out in a different way.
school gets in the way alot.

<3

still can't.

2008-09-23T06:16:00.000-07:00

i honestly don't think i'll ever be comfortable with it.
i'm sure you're a nice person, but i'll never feel that way towards you.
why? honestly, i don't really know. but everytime you and you pop into my head, the idea of it bothers me.
maybe i'm just being paranoid.
but, that's me i guess.
we'll never be the same, and as hard as you may try, it's never going to happen.
people change as they grow up, and it's just the way it is.
so you can still be the bitch that you are to people you don't like, but don't expect me to be the same.

augh.
teen angst.

i seriously feel myself blowing up.
this is not good.
i need to relax.
otherwise, i don't know.
i hate wednesday already.
wednesday = tests day.

ew.

pray for me!

those days you felt alive.

2008-09-21T11:50:00.000-07:00

i would blog about my time at retreat, but i'm too sore and lazy to.
lets just say it was super fun, and it was a much needed getaway.
i missed everyone though.
but now i'm back.
and reality hits me again.

good thing i love to sing :)

almost there, almost mine.

2008-09-16T19:02:00.000-07:00

i am in love with ryan tedder's voice. <3

i think i bombed my apeuro quiz today, augh i so did not prepare well enough. even after reading the whole sections over too! oh well, at least i have a 100% in the class right now. i actually don't have any homework for that class today, and i did the section four homework ahead so i'm all set.

school is pretty much taking up most of my time, and i feel a little distance between me and some of my close friends. the thing is, you know, i guess they could make an effort too? but who am i to complain? i'm pretty sure they're busy themselves. but there are those that are quite enjoyable to talk to and it takes a while for our conversations to die, or not at all. i'm thankful for them. i think as i grow up, i'm going to learn who's really going to be there for me in the future. :)

choir retreat to thousand pines on friday! party party partyyyy. i'm so excited! :D paintball ahahaa. and singing! yayy. i have to miss the first two days of carnival, but its not like i dont go every year, and its not like its different. although i'm a little upset retreat had to fall the same weekend as carnival, i'm trying to keep a positive attitude. at least i get to go sunday!

back to geometry!

hot and cold.

2008-09-11T22:21:00.000-07:00

i seriously feel myself having major mood swings everyday.
i dont know what it is though.
maybe it's not enough sleep or something.
things are stressing me out lately, gahhh.
keeping myself together is pretty hard on some days.
i honestly feel like sometimes i just want to scream or blow up.
and i feel myself getting pissed off more easily.
not too sure, but i pray things get better.

nine eleven today.
we watched this video in apeuro and it was so touching.
being only 8 or 9 when this tragic even occurred, i didn't really understand what was going on.
but now that i'm older i realize the impact it had on so many people.
after the video everyone was like really quiet.
it's good to know that other people care too.
war is stupid.

make love. <3

angel of mercy.

2008-09-10T19:56:00.000-07:00

school is stressing me out.
so are other things.
eh.
i need a break.

sin city.

2008-08-30T22:32:00.000-07:00

vegas is hot.
but my hotel is cold.
homework homework homework all day.
i can't believe i left my english book at home.
i amstupid.

hold your breath.

2008-08-29T18:20:00.000-07:00

who ever thought the first week of school could be so stressful? i'm already filled with weekend homework that i'm forced to bring to vegas, and i'm not even looking forward to the trip itself. lots of apeuro to do, along with a couple pages of english, 20 spanish questions and flashcards, and a chem worksheet. lovely isn't it.
zero period makes me extremely tired, but i try to make up my sleep when i get home. it's harder for me to sleep so early i guess, but i've got a lot of things occupying my mind. i didn't sleep very well last night, but cindy and noelle made me feel better, so its okay i guess. there's just too much going on sometimes i don't really know how to deal with it. and it sucks becuase the one person i choose to go to isn't very supportive about it. whatever.

i miss you monkey!

first day of school!

2008-08-27T21:19:00.000-07:00

i love the first day of school! :) despite the fact that i had to wake up at five thirty today. it was still a good day. ^^ i love getting all my binders organized and writing homework in my planner. i know its weird, but i quite enjoy being organized. :D so, an overview of my day...

zero period troubadors. nothing really new, basiscally the same as our summer rehearsal, except earlier. it was so cold in his room, but that's nothing new. tison let us out early, so i went to go meet the group at our usual table, except some people were missing! :( oh welllls.

first period apeuro. i have mr. fitzpatrick! he seems like a pretty cool guy, except when he talks it gets a little boring. lily, tiffany, and becky are in my class yay. :] apeuro is probably going to be pretty hectic though, we already have like three assignments! a vocabulary worksheet due friday, a worksheet due tomorrow, and like a four page packet due wednesday. and a quiz friday. poop, a lot a lot of work. hopefully i'll be able to handle it. :)

second period geometry. wooh mr. cochrane! i have like no one in my class! well no one that i really talk to. ew ew. it suckss butt! i sit like around freshman, but i guess its okay. we took this algebra assessment thing today, and i did not remember anything. i felt really stupid. :(
third period concert choir. tison again. it feels really weird in the choir room with less people! but i hope this year we're a lot better. :) there's only two rows of altos, and last year there were three! gahhh. we practiced this song, but getting the notes is really hard. i'll have to work on it on my own time.

fourth period english honors. penhall. ahaha. omgg he looks so scary! but he's pretty nice actually. ^^ we're reading some good books this semester, so i'm excited. everyone in my apeuro class is in my english honors class so its the same people all over again. yeah! too bad there's no extra credit though, i'll miss ms. chilcott or in her case now, mrs. fudagaki. i really liked her! extra credit exists as much as snipers do.

fifth period chemistry. omg i have oslberg, and he looks like a creeper! no offense to him at all but seriously though! he was so cocky about his swimming and his uci degree. and he talked to us like we were kindergardeners. "do you guys have a calculator out? what's 99 plus 1?" gah, we are not stupid! and then he called that michahel klavic or whatever eurotrash because we swam for like a european country even though was was born in anaheim and went to school there. "we should make that country pay us for the taxes we paid for his education! he is a swimmer first and an american second! go michael phelps! he is an american first! U-S-A! U-S-A!" yeah, it was weird. i dont reall know anyone in my chem class except hope, and she's in troubadours with me, so yay! we got our books today and mine is so old and tattered, the cover is literally falling off. -_- i wish i had gotten a new book!

sixth period spanish two. with sweeting. yayay. i have a class with jessica and christine! i'm so happy. :) bahaha. omg sweeting was giving out spanish names and this guy was like i want jaime, and i thought he said hymen and i gave jessica the weirdest look! hahaa. i sit next to jessica even though we're assigned seats alphabetically. at first we just sat next to each other, and turns out we still get to! yayy. i need so many dividers though. seven! seven! what will i use seven dividers for? god knows what.

good day at school, i have a second row locker, which is pretty good for me. :) i finished all my homework already, so yeah! i'm beginning twilight, courtesy of cindy doan, and so far i dont really like edward cullen. he's such a jerk! ahaha. we'll see what happens.

bye<3

dog days of summer.

2008-08-26T11:53:00.000-07:00

well for me, it's the last day of summer. :) i'd have to say it was quite an enjoyable one. i think i did almost everything on my list that i had planned, so yay! :) i'm pretty much ready for school, i just need to put everything together, but the first day shouldn't be too hard! ^^ so what I did this summer...

+camping @ DHNS
+lyna's UCI graduation
+beach with lyna, trang, and ronald
+beach with lyna, huong, cauy, and ronald
+beach with lyna, trang, jenn, nhan, and ronald

+beach with lyna, huy, and ronald

+cue with the phams
+todai with caressa

+making the DHNS movie

+eight and nine <3>

+beach bash for lyna

+beach bonding with thang and anton

+days with <3

+get smart with <3

+tropic thunder with lyna, minhie, anh tung, and johndang
+bowling with huy, nhan, lyna, trang, michael

+bowling with the HTs

+OC fair with sisters, anh nhat and johndang

+boiling crab & cue with jessica and lily
+boiling crab & cue with jessica and stephanie

+FRIENDS all day

+late nights talks <3>

+choir rehearsal & party (maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaps)

+kevinle visiting my house and leaving his crap there ^^
+anton's house

+shaving thang's head
+shopping, shopping, shopping

+dark knight with hanhie, mommy, and lyna

+kabuki with lyna, anh tung, and johndang

+beach with HTs

+picnic with the family

+cajun corner with <3

+walking to heaven's delight with jessica (and getting scared by a truck and a motorcyle)

+baking cupcakes and brownies
+Body World's Exhibit with lyna and the parents
+re-reading harry potter

+biking with Huong
+fishing with my sister and my daddy

all in all, i'd say i had a pretty good summer, nevermind the bad stuff that happened. mmmhmm. this will be an awesome school year. i can feel it in my toes. :) yay!

i'll wait for you, i promise you.

2008-08-19T11:13:00.000-07:00

Summer is getting to me. I really wish school would start, that way I can take my mind off a lot of things. A lot of things are changing in my life, and I'm not sure how these events will affect me. Today is Lyna's last day, so it's sad becacuse she won't be living with me anymore. It'll be different, and as much as I don't want her to go, she has to. I understand.

I spent the day with Lyna and her friends yesterday, and it was pretty fun. :) We ate Kabuki with Anh JohnDang and Anh Tung. It was okay, not that great. I still prefer Full Moon. Then we moseyed on over to watch Tropic Thunder. By the way, I am so totally 17, not 9. -_- The movie was... mediocre. It wasn't the best, and it certainly didn't keep me off my seat. You'd have to have like a really interesting sense of humor to fully enjoy it. But, the actor from How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days was in it, and he is so cute! Omg. :) And Lance Bass too! I dont care if he's gay, he's still cute. Ahaha. After movies, we went to Fountain Bowl, where we met up with a lot of other people. Bowling was so fun. :) I suck though. Ahahaa. Everyone kept trying to give me bowling tips, but they didnt work! In the end I just did whatever, and I got a better score than when I tried to listen to the people. Stupid Minh put me as Miss Piggy, and then everyone started calling me that! :( Gah. Anh Nhat gave me like the most hilarious bowling tip ever--"point with your crotch." Its funny, cos it was like the third time he's said that word to me, the first two times during a boogie boarding lesson. The evening ended well, my score being like... under 100 but its okay! I saw Viking for the last time before he left, I'm going to miss him. He made me laugh. =]

Sometimes it's hard to get people to understand how you're really feeling. With me, I tend to keep things to myself. I'm pretty stubborn, and only so many people can actually break through to me. It's hard to relax when everything is just so not what I expected it to be. As much as I try, sometimes I just wonder about things, and it's hard to find someone to tell my ponderings to because the people I do want to tell usually get upset. It's easier to relax when I'm with my friends becuase I know they can take my mind off of absolutely anything. They always know like the right thing to say, and its pretty great. :)

How do you know when or not to do the things you want to do? You want to be understanding, but at the same time you want what you want. And in the end you do the understanding thing because you know its the right thing to do, but you don't feel that great about it. I don't know.

As summer comes to an end, I've done almost everything on my list except go to Disneyland.
Oh well, there's always next year!

sand in your pants.

2008-08-18T01:40:00.000-07:00

i love the beach.
i love the beach with friends.
i love bonding .

i miss my friends.
i miss the old relationships i had with them.
i miss..

lucky.

2008-08-16T06:38:00.000-07:00

the end of summer is near! soon i'll be starting school. to be honest, i'm actually excited to start school, but now i have to fit in all these fun things to do!

On Wednesday I spent the day at Huong's. We worked on stuff and then ended up going to CUE to take pictures with the phams and teresa. It was our first time ever so we kind of sucked at it. It's so fun though! :) And addicting.

Thursday was registration! I had to wake up early. :( But I got to see some of my friends I haven't seen over summer! Yayy. I got all the classes I wanted, thankgoodness. Do you have any with me?
0- Troubadours
1- APEuro
2- Geometry
3- Concert Choir
4- English Honors
5- Chemistry
6- Spanish 2

Zero period this year, so that means I have to wake up earlier than usual, which shouldn't be too hard. :) Hopefully I have Senor Gonzalez for Spanish again because I really like his teaching style. I'm so used to it, it would be weird to have another teacher for the same subject.

My mommy took me to dimsum after registration and it was really yum! :) Later that day she took me and Jessica to CUE and we met up with lily. We were actually supposed to eat crawfish, but it was only two o clock so we had time to kill. Bahaha. Most hilarious time ever. The first time we totally messed up ahaha! It got so hot in the freaking photobooth it was crazy. We did it another time and it turned out better. :) Walked back to Boiling Crab and ate. Yum! And then we walked back to CUE to take another set of stickers. :D

:) Yay. They're so cute! Tehee.

I'm going to the beach today for Lyna's goingaway party, so it should be fun. I love the beach!

Next week Jessica and I plan to go to NickelNickel and get manipedis before school starts.

Bye!

clogged arteries.

2008-08-03T21:22:00.000-07:00

growing up is really hard. there are so many unexpected things that come at me, and a lot of lessons that i've learned. this must be what it feels like. i'm not too sure if i like it, but i'll get used to it.

ahhhh, i'm gaining so much weight. its becuase of summer. i don't really do much so i sit at home and get fat! :( good thing tomorrow i am going to 24hour. goodness. my mommy's going to buy me a pass. but i love watching friends! all ten seasons, omggness. it's hilariouss.

you know, i'm sorry i can't tell you. things just aren't the same with us anymore. maybe not to you, but to me they aren't. i'm sure you care, and i love that you do, but you don't need to, and you certainly don't have to. there are just people i'm more comfortable with. and why does it bother you so much? it's not like you don't find out anyway right? so why do you need to hear it from me? you're just so distant sometimes and treat me differently so i just learn to live without you. yeah i'll be there for you anytime, and i'm sure you are the same for me, but i can't bring myself to tell you. ever since that one day, i just dont' feel the same about you.

i'm sorry.

rainbow.

2008-07-27T11:09:00.000-07:00

these beating drums,
we call our hearts.
they give us life
they give us love.
we love it,
we hate it.

embrace it with every ounce,
use it all until there's no more
don't look back.

i think i've come to understand that there are so many different layers to people. i see life as something positive, but lately there are people that make it not so. i've only begun to realize that not everybody has good intentions for their actions. and not everybody will try to understand things before judging. there are those who do mean things just for recreation. yeah, that's pretty lame, but who am i to judge right? as long as i know who i am, and the people i just to be around, i should be just dandy.
i know i live by "i don't care what other people think," but i think its to an extent. i do things that make me happy, and if people think something of it, well, who are they to stop my pursuit of happiness? but if you're my friends, and its on a subject rather important to me, of course i'll care. i don't totally block our your opinions.
high school has changed me a lot. i don't really know if it's for the better or for the worse. i do know that i'm happy with who i am, and that's all the really matters. i guess i'm growing up, and if people don't like it, then they don't like it. not everyone can like you, and not everyone has the same thought process as you.
people are complex. but that shouldn't stop anyone.
sometimes its better to just let things be.

delicious.

2008-07-16T21:08:00.000-07:00

Today was great!

Spent the morning at J.Bui's house. Tehee. She gave me my PINK Victoria's Secret Hoodie for my birthday! Yayy. I love it. :) Ahaha. We were supposed to go eat crawfishy with Lily, but Lily's mom was being kind of not very nice, so change of plans. Jessy and I walked to Heaven's Delight for yogurt. Omg. We were walking and like this motorcycle made a really loud noise, so Jessica screamed which gave me a heart attack, so I screamed! Ahh. And the lady that was walking towards us started laughing. Ahaha. So embarrassing! Met up with Cathy at yogurtt! So lucky her shop is like right there, and we caught up on stuff. :) I love that chicky. After a while, Vince called, so Jessica and I walked back. There was this guy in a truck that honked at us! And were all what the hell? So we just kept walking, and he came back! I guess he made like a U-turn or something and he honked again! So Jessica ran. Ahaha. So funnny. :)

Crawfish with Vince. Yummy I love it! :) And then Vu's house. And then home. :) Yayy.

I love summer!

stop&stare.

2008-07-13T19:18:00.000-07:00

ah, i think summer is going by way too fast. it's almost over! :( but i also want school to startt. i miss those freaks i call friends. :)
i woke up this morning at like 11ish and spent four hours baking cupcakes and brownies. i love to bake. i really want to bake a really good cake one day. yeahh.
church today, the usual, singing and stuff.
mikeeeeey and ian might come over later so we can play . :) yeaaa. i miss those guys. they're so fun, and make my day so much brighter. it'll be a blast.
so i'm trying to get the upperhand. i dont know exactly how to do it, but i will. it'll happen sooner or later. hopefully. i feel so empty and strange without it. right now i'm just waiting. let's hope for the best.

surprise me with a visit this week! it'll make my day.

getting stronger.

2008-07-11T17:35:00.000-07:00

so, i didnt get to go to disneyland today, but that's okay. i think, somehow my week is looking up.

Thursday, I went to Corona Del Mar with Lyna, Huong, Cauyy, and Ronald. It was pretty fun. :) That beach has so much seaweed though! Ahaha. I swear, it attacked Huong like twice when we were playing in the water. Ah, there was this guy with a really hairy back. Huong and I just wanted to go over there and shave it off! Ahaha. Pretty funn stuff. After playing in the water, we went back to go dry off and just lay in the sun. Huong and I talked about stuff, ahaha not entirely sure WHY or HOW the subjects came up, but they did. I love that girly. <3

Today, I was supposed to go, but maybe it turned out for the better. I didn't have a very good morning, but Mitchell came over and we played and talked. :) He made me feel loads better! I'm gonna him him like crazy! <33 His car smells though. Ahaha. Good luck at Westmont! Ah.. choir later today. The usual. Maybe Huong's house. :)

There's a lot of things in life I'll never understand, and there are things in life I'll never like. But in the end, I think it'll make me a better person. God blows wind in my direction only to lead me to the right path. All I need to do is believe, trust, and have faith. It's not going to be easy, but I think that as long as I try, everything will be okay.

i'm gonna love you with my life.

2008-07-08T14:10:00.000-07:00

good morning everyone. yet another day of summer has come, and i don't have any plans today. mmm. anton cancelled! buttface.<3 tomorrow! ahaha.
i didn't get much sleep last night, considering how i went to sleep at six o clock. i really need to stop thinking at night, it keeps me up.
there are things i will proably never understand, but i can't stop myself from trying to. so many questions run through my head unanswered, and so many "what ifs?". i don't know how things are like this. is there a point in trying anymore? my heart beats fsater everytime i see you, but does that really say anything? these words you choose to tell me, your feelings, are they real? do you bullshit me? i don't know. i try hard to believe but sometimes it just doesn't come through. and why are you still here? you say horrible things that you supposedly don't mean, but how do i know that? what's your reason for still being here? no one's making you stay, not even me.
anyway.
beach tomorrow with cat, gisi, and carno. GOD i miss those girls. <3 it'll be a fun day. and then an evening with anton. planning stuff. ahaha. mmmm. i look foward to the rest of this week. at least some things can keep me up. :)

body worlds.

2008-07-07T22:49:00.000-07:00

Today I went to the Body Worlds Exhibit with my parents and Lyna in LA.
It was pretty coool. :)
Everything is REAL.
Like, those bodies used to be living!
This will be a disappointment, but my favorite part was the big giraffe at the end.
It was SO BIG and TALL you know?
It was a REAL giraffe!
Haha. They wouldn't let me take pictures, but oh welll.
Came home and finished the rest of Harry Potter and the Scorcerer's Stone.
I swear I will never get tired of that series. <3
The rest of my day was okay, shitty in the end though.
People make me upset.
I just don't understand why it's that way.

-sighs-
Tomorrow is another day.
Anton's coming over! :)

summerr. :)

2008-07-06T21:06:00.000-07:00

i love it. don't you? :)
it's just so much fun! ahaha.
i'm excited for this comingg weeek.
museum, beach, & disneyland!
yeahh! :)
mmm, i feeel like baking!
anyone want some cupcakes?
yay!

i <3 choir.

2008-06-03T22:20:00.000-07:00

last two week of school! yeah!
today's choir banquet was so funn! :]
i'm going to miss all the seniors. <3
i got most improved female singer.
surprise surprise much?
the place was nice.
the food was good.
what a great day. ^^

birthday wishes.

2008-05-28T06:54:00.000-07:00

thanks to everyone who made my special day enjoyable.
i loveeee it. :]
<3

troubawhat?

2008-05-23T22:46:00.000-07:00

mm.
last day of troubador tryouts. :]
i think i did well.
hopefully. i really want this.
i prayyy i make it.
but there's nothing more i can do.
let's just hope God puts me in the right place.

three day weekend !
yea!
:]
two more weeks of school, and then finals.
three more days until my birthday.
are you excited?
i am!
but the end of the year is very stressed out.

BROADAY CONCERT! :]
come people.
ask mee.

sing = stress.

2008-05-21T20:13:00.001-07:00

First off, I would like to say that I got a 96 on my math test today! :] I am quite proud of myself TYVM.I only missed one question, which is a little depressing.
Learned the "Baltimore" coreography today, well sort of. It's still a big mess as far as I can tell.
My auditions were today. Omigod.
I am so freaked out.
Tison is posting up the lists tomorrow for second round.
I pray I get in.
I don't know how well I did.
He is so stoic sometimes.
Wish me luck.

Never Cry Wolf test tomorrow.
Gotta re-read the whole stupid book.
Bye.
<3

heat.

2008-05-17T19:45:00.000-07:00

it's been quite hot lately.
yup.
i've been sleeping early for the past two days.
there's a lot of stuff on my mind.
seems like the only way to avoid it is to sleep.
not quite sure how to fix things.
its a challenge between my heart and my mind.
i'll get through somehow.

made cupcakes for tony.
i love you! <3
thanks for everything. :]

peayce.

mommy day.

2008-05-14T21:09:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday to my mommy today! :]
I love my mommy. <3
She is the best mommy ever.
Lyan and I surprised her at work today.
So funny. Huy recorded it.
She though we were going to the library. Fun fun fun! :D

Turned in the endangered species research paper today. Finally, everything big is over and done with. I can relax. At least until finals come along. And auditions next week. I hope I am ready.

Been thinking a lot lately.
I don't really know what to think now.
i'm being pulled into two different directions.
I wish someone could just tel me what to do.

Goodnight.<3

CST.

2008-05-01T22:09:00.000-07:00

Wednesday.
First part of Star Testing, English section. Pretty easy. :] And wooh, I got out at 11! Went to go eat Full Moon with Jessica and Stephanie. It was so yummy. And then shopping at Fashion 21 and Coldstones ice cream! We went back to Jessica's house and baked cupcakes. Let's just say they didn't LOOK very tasty. In fact, they kind of looked like boobs. Haha. Jessica has NO proper cooking utensils at all. We had to use baskin robins spoons to scoop the batter into the cupcake holders WITHOUT PAM being sprayed on them. (COUGH JESSCIA). And then she didn't even have a cooking timer! We had extra batter so we made hearthshaped cakes and Jessica went a litle crazy on the PAM. Haha. :] Mmmmm bagel bites are soooo yummmy!
Thursday.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO JESSICA! :] No I did NOT buy her underwear. :] I got her VANS. Yeahhhhh I did. ^^ I lovee you Jessica! Mmm. Last day of CST. Math and Biology! SO nastyyy. It was pretty easy except I bubbled in the WRONG SECTION for BIO. Augh. So i had to do it all over. -_- Andy is very mean. I am gonig to smush his face with a cupcake one day. mmm. Got out at 1:20. Went home and slept for a long long time. I should probably read Never Cry Wolf for the quiz tomorrow.

Adios!

May is off to a good start! <3